Floyd | Welcome to the Cheap Glk Implementation, library version 0.9.0.
Floyd |
Floyd | tadsr - A text-only TADS 2.5.10 Interpreter.
Floyd | Copyright (c) 1993, 2006 by Michael J. Roberts.
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | Poor Uncle Foggy.  He was the best guardian any kid could ever ask for.
Floyd | After your parents died in that freak waterbed accident, Uncle Foggy
Floyd | practically raised you and your twin sister Winnie.  You grew up in his
Floyd | home full of wacky inventions - practical jokes for all occasions.
Floyd | Uncle Foggy was a prankster, no two ways about it.  It's only been a
Floyd | couple of years since you and Winnie left for college.  Since then
Floyd | you've spoken far too infrequently.  When you last spoke, Uncle Foggy
Floyd | rambled on and on about some ultimate practical joke, but you had a
Floyd | class on gallinaceous theology to get to.
Floyd |
Floyd | You and Winnie pull in to Foggywood Estate in your beaten-up coupe.
Floyd | The white picket gate swings quietly shut behind you as you kill the
Floyd | engine.  Unfortunately your relatives, the Barnevelders from Rhode
Floyd | Island, have also just arrived.  Uncle Orpington and Aunt Lamona are
Floyd | just climbing out of their gleaming black sedan, while your cousin
Floyd | 'Red' sits in his ridiculous monster truck and leans on the horn, which
Floyd | blares an ear splitting rendition of 'La Cucharacha.'
Floyd |
Floyd | Not a very auspicious way to kick off the reading of Uncle Foggy's
Floyd | will, is it?
Floyd |
Floyd | Foggywood Hijinx Release 2
Floyd | (Type "about" for more information)
Floyd | Copyright (c) 1998 by TextFeather, Inc.  All rights reserved.
Floyd | Created for Adam Cadre's Chicken Comp and Lucian Smith's Mini-Comp.
Floyd | Developed with TADS, the Text Adventure Development System.
Floyd |
Floyd | Front Lawn
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's front lawn teeters just on the border of ill-kempt,
Floyd | though no one specific flaw draws attention.  The three vehicles parked
Floyd | on the lawn fail to aid its appearance.  Uncle Foggy's home, Foggywood
Floyd | Manor, lies to the north, while the gate through which you entered
Floyd | rests back to the south.  Though you can't see it over the hedges, you
Floyd | know that beyond the gate and across the road lies the ramshackle cabin
Floyd | that Uncle Foggy called his lab.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Barnevelders are here, standing by the front door with you and
Floyd | Winnie.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | File to save game in >

Floyd | Saved.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | File to restore game from >

Floyd | Restored.
Floyd |
Floyd | Front Lawn
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's front lawn teeters just on the border of ill-kempt,
Floyd | though no one specific flaw draws attention.  The three vehicles parked
Floyd | on the lawn fail to aid its appearance.  Uncle Foggy's home, Foggywood
Floyd | Manor, lies to the north, while the gate through which you entered
Floyd | rests back to the south.  Though you can't see it over the hedges, you
Floyd | know that beyond the gate and across the road lies the ramshackle cabin
Floyd | that Uncle Foggy called his lab.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Barnevelders are here, standing by the front door with you and
Floyd | Winnie.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You look about the same as always.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Barnevelders glare haughtily at you and Winnie as you all wait for
Floyd | admittance to Uncle Foggy's house.  Not a word passes between the two
Floyd | factions. So far as you know, the Barnevelders have never even visited
Floyd | Foggywood before.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You are empty-handed.
Floyd |
Floyd | None too soon, the front door is opened, revealing Mr.  Dorkings, Uncle
Floyd | Foggy's solicitor.  A dour man in black who rarely smiles, you've never
Floyd | quite trusted Dorkings.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Mm," is all Dorkings has to say in greeting.  "You've all arrived.
Floyd | Good.  We can begin right away.  Please follow me."
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Your sister Wyandotte 'Winnie' Langshan has been your steady companion
Floyd | since birth.  The two of you have never been separated, and share an
Floyd | almost psychic bond.
Floyd |
Floyd | You and your relatives dutifully troop into the house after Dorkings.
Floyd |
Floyd | Foyer
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's foyer is tastefully decorated, even if the blue hen
Floyd | wallpaper does seem a bit queer.  Passages from the foyer lead off in
Floyd | many directions, but your only business here today is in the study to
Floyd | the east.  The walls are adorned with glossy photos taken around Uncle
Floyd | Foggy's favorite travel destination.  Nailed to a chest-high post is a
Floyd | stuffed bird, eternally caught in its morning salutation to the sun.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Barnevelders are here, waiting to be admitted into the study with
Floyd | you and Winnie.
Floyd |
Floyd | "We will be adjourning in the study for the reading of...  " He breaks
Floyd | off in mid-sentence and cocks his head towards the study.  You listen
Floyd | carefully, and hear what sounds like polite applause.  Dorkings turns
Floyd | back to all of you and says, "Mm.  Please wait here while I ensure that
Floyd | all is in readiness," before disappearing into the study.
Floyd |
Floyd | Odd, you think.  Knowing Dorkings, he would have checked and double
Floyd | checked everything long before your arrival.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't see any dorkings here.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Lush photos of the Sun Pyramid taken around Chi-chen Itza.  Uncle Foggy
Floyd | claimed to have held great admiration for the builders of the pyramid.
Floyd |
Floyd | After a brief moment you hear rising voices.  Well, one voice anyway.
Floyd | Dorkings' tone never rises or falls, but the other voice sounds like...
Floyd |
Floyd | Mrs.  Faverolles, the cook, storms out of the study, slamming the door
Floyd | against the wall.  You can see from her complexion that she's at full
Floyd | broil.  Ignoring your party, she whirls around and hurls a string of
Floyd | incomprehensible French epithets towards the study, waving a sauce
Floyd | spattered spoon in one hammy fist.  Her other hand clenches a saucepan
Floyd | full of some rich burgundy sauce.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It's full of some rich, burgundy colored sauce.
Floyd |
Floyd | Mrs.  Faverolles storms off toward the kitchen, still raging.  Once the
Floyd | noise of her passage has quieted, Dorkings gestures your party into the
Floyd | study.
Floyd |
Floyd | You and your relatives shuffle inside and take seats at opposite sides
Floyd | of the room.  You and Winnie fill out the love seat, while the
Floyd | Barnevelders perch like chicken hawks on the matching sofa.
Floyd |
Floyd | Study
Floyd | Light from the outside streams in through the closed window,
Floyd | illuminating Uncle Foggy's comfortably cluttered study.  It's full of
Floyd | interesting odds and ends, not the least of which is the trophy mounted
Floyd | on the wall above the desk.  Many were the times that you and Winnie
Floyd | would climb the bookshelves in search of written treasure, and then
Floyd | spread out by the fireplace with your latest finds.  For more dexterous
Floyd | pleasures, there was the carton of assorted works in progress Uncle
Floyd | Foggy usually kept beneath his desk.  If nothing else appealed,
Floyd | sneaking maraschino cherries from the bar was always good for a few
Floyd | giggles.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Barnevelders are here, seated on the couch across from you and
Floyd | Winnie, while Mr.  Dorkings stands beside the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | You notice that an integrated television/video player has been set up
Floyd | on Uncle Foggy's desk, about where Uncle Foggy would be if he were
Floyd | presiding.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't see any bird here.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) is an enormous, furry buffalo
Floyd | head with thick horns mounted as far apart as a broad man's shoulders.
Floyd | As you know, it rests on a tightly coiled spring, and launches forward
Floyd | at the touch of a button hidden on the desk.  Uncle Foggy favored using
Floyd | the device on unsolicited salesmen and IRS auditors.  He would seat
Floyd | them before the desk, wait until they were deeply engrossed in
Floyd | business, and then...  SPROI-OI-OING!  The huge head would lunge
Floyd | towards them at high velocity while Uncle Foggy screamed, "It's still
Floyd | alive!  Run!  For the love of God, RUN!"  Then he'd cackle hysterically
Floyd | as they tripped over themselves in their rush for the door.  Needless
Floyd | to say, victims of this prank rarely returned.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Just a moment more.  Mm," says Dorkings, as he turns to the
Floyd | television.  Your mind wanders, and you find yourself focusing on the
Floyd | Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) mounted on the wall behind Uncle
Floyd | Foggy's desk.  It was one of Uncle Foggy's funniest inventions, a
Floyd | terrific source of amusement.  Well, for everyone but the unlucky
Floyd | victims, anyway.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Dorkings was Uncle Foggy's solicitor.  A dour man in black who rarely
Floyd | smiles, you've never quite trusted him.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Mm, here we are."  Dorkings steps aside as the television springs to
Floyd | life.  And there on the screen, real as life but only half as dead, is
Floyd | Uncle Foggy.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Greetin's, family," begins your deceased uncle.  "Ah suppose, Ah say,
Floyd | Ah suppose you're all wondering why Ah've gathered you here today."
Floyd | Uncle Foggy pauses for an expectant moment, while the Barnevelders
Floyd | glare dispassionately.  Winnie rolls her eyes, though at Uncle Foggy or
Floyd | the Barnevelders, you're not sure.  "Haw haw!  It's a joke, son!  Ah
Floyd | made a funny!  Get it?  Ah'm too fast for you!  Gotta keep up, son!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach that from the love seat.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It would be disrespectful to go wandering before the reading is over.
Floyd |
Floyd | "As you all know, Ah've made, Ah say, Ah've made a bunch of dough -
Floyd | that's SAWbucks, boy - off my inventions.  Now Ah've gotta figure out
Floyd | who gets it."  Uncle Foggy stares out of the screen for a moment before
Floyd | continuing.  "Well Ah won't do it, y'hear!  Never was any good at this
Floyd | family stuff, and Ah'm not going to start playing favorites now.
Floyd | Instead, Ah'm leavin' it, Ah say, Ah'm leavin' it up to you all!"  You
Floyd | and Winnie and the Barnevelders exchange quizzical glances, but no one
Floyd | speaks.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Time passes...
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Foggy rolls on.  "What Ah propose, Ah say what Ah PROPOSE is a
Floyd | challenge. And the ones who best know me and my ways, well, they're
Floyd | gonna come out ahead."
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington leaps angrily to his feet and shouts, "What new
Floyd | foolishness is this!"  Aunt Lamona spears him with a withering glance,
Floyd | and he reluctantly reseats himself.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Now Orpy, by now Ah expect you're gettin' pretty riled up," says Uncle
Floyd | Foggy with frightening prescience.  "Well them's the breaks!  The
Floyd | breaks, Ah say!  Maybe if you'd ever taken favor on my work, things'd
Floyd | be different now."
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hear nothing out of the ordinary.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Contest goes like, Ah say, contest goes like this!  Ah've scattered
Floyd | ten of my inventions around, Ah say, all 'round my estate.  Dorkings
Floyd | here will give you all a list.  The one o' you who finds the most
Floyd | number of things on the list gets it, Ah say gets it ALL!  The house,
Floyd | the money, and most importantly...  Dorkings?  Ain't you ready yet,
Floyd | suh?"
Floyd |
Floyd | "Ah, mm.  Yes."  Dorkings retrieves a black shammy sack from the desk
Floyd | and loosens the cord binding it shut.  Reaching inside, he pulls out a
Floyd | matte black pyramidal object with a small switch at its apex.  You jerk
Floyd | instinctively as Dorkings fumbles with the strange object.  Everything
Floyd | slows as you watch it tumble to the ground with inexplicable dread.  It
Floyd | lands on the shag rug with a faint but sickening 'click.'
Floyd |
Floyd | Suddenly the world seems larger.  You look to Winnie for help only to
Floyd | find...  a chicken!  Staring back at you is a perfectly normal white
Floyd | crested hen!  You look around.  Oh, no.  Where once stood Mr.  Dorkings
Floyd | and your relations, now you see only chickens.  A long moment of
Floyd | stunned silence follows, as the room's occupants glance around
Floyd | nervously at each other.
Floyd |
Floyd | The silence is broken by Uncle Foggy's booming voice.  "You got it yet
Floyd | Dorkings?  Good.  Now, what you got here is my latest invention.  The
Floyd | ultimate, Ah say, the ULTIMATE practical joke!  Great at parties!
Floyd | It'll make a million, if my name isn't Fogarth Barnevelder!  And the
Floyd | one of you all to bring back the most items on my list, gets it!  And
Floyd | that's, Ah say, that's IT!  Dorkings, you can stop this consarned thing
Floyd | any time now.  My, Ah say, my job here is done."
Floyd |
Floyd | As the implications of the situation sink in, there is a sudden tidal
Floyd | swell of panic.  Someone - Aunt Lamona?  Cousin Red?  - leaps from
Floyd | their perch and sets up a dreadful squawking.  Soon, the room is full
Floyd | of squawking, screaching birds running in panicked circles, feathers
Floyd | flying everywhere.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The greasy, worn carton was Uncle Foggy's hobby box - full of spare
Floyd | bits and pieces and small works in progress.  The grubby flaps are
Floyd | closed, hiding whatever stray parts Uncle Foggy left behind.
Floyd |
Floyd | The cacophany is broken by a sudden click as loud as the hammer of a
Floyd | revolver.  Uncle Foggy's tape rolls to a stop and automatically starts
Floyd | rewinding.  With the tape's feed gone, the television reverts to
Floyd | receiving broadcast signal.  All eyes focus on the television as a
Floyd | recognizeable human figure appears, a woman in an apron standing behind
Floyd | a counter covered with neatly placed cooking utensils.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Thank you, Charles," says Julia Childs.  "Now that our burgundy sauce
Floyd | is chilling and the hen's organs have been removed, we can proceed to
Floyd | stewing the guts and gizzards."  Suddenly your attention is drawn to a
Floyd | furious pounding at the study door.  Oh no - it must be the cook
Floyd | wanting to watch her program!
Floyd |
Floyd | "SQUAWK!"  The panic renews with increased fury as your crazed
Floyd | relatives hurl themselves in shrieking clouds of feathers at every
Floyd | surface in the room.  Well, it looks like its up to you and Winnie to
Floyd | figure out how to reverse Uncle Foggy's joke.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is busy shoving her entire forearm up
Floyd | some poor chicken's posterior.  How humiliating!
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the carton from the love seat.
Floyd |
Floyd | Red - at least you think it's Red - clambers up onto the sofa and crows
Floyd | at the top of his scrawny little lungs.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down out of the love seat and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gutteral French accent beyond the door can only be Mrs.  Faverolles
Floyd | cursing Dorkings for chasing her out of the study during her program.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Opening the carton reveals the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pecks at the carpet as if looking for worms.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) extend a gardener's reach while
Floyd | trimming tall hedges.  They clamp on to the shoulders at one end, and
Floyd | end in a pair of articulated rubber hands at the other.  The hands
Floyd | operate a second pair of shears, mimicking the operator's own hands,
Floyd | doubling both his reach and his efficiency.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) are another of Uncle Foggy's
Floyd | inventions.  Being the recluse he was, he liked his hedges TALL.
Floyd |
Floyd | Cousin Red mistakenly runs into Aunt Lamona - she raises a great squawk
Floyd | and pecks Red viciously in return.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "list".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You snatch an end of the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) up in your beak.
Floyd | Though quite bulky, they're light enough that you can drag them around
Floyd | single...  er...  beakedly.
Floyd |
Floyd | "I've never tasted human flesh," says Julia, "but I hear it tastes just
Floyd | like Chicken!  Doesn't THAT make you want to pat your tummies and say
Floyd | yummy yummy, viewers?"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Study, on the floor
Floyd | Light from the outside streams in through the closed window,
Floyd | illuminating Uncle Foggy's comfortably cluttered study.  It's full of
Floyd | interesting odds and ends, not the least of which is the trophy mounted
Floyd | on the wall above the desk.  Many were the times that you and Winnie
Floyd | would climb the bookshelves in search of written treasure, and then
Floyd | spread out by the fireplace with your latest finds.  For more dexterous
Floyd | pleasures, there was the carton of assorted works in progress Uncle
Floyd | Foggy usually kept beneath his desk.  If nothing else appealed,
Floyd | sneaking maraschino cherries from the bar was always good for a few
Floyd | giggles.
Floyd |
Floyd | The room is filled with chickens, running in crazy circles and bounding
Floyd | off the furniture and each other.  Resting off to one side of the room
Floyd | is Uncle Foggy's ultimate practical joke.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, an audience member asks Julia if she uses free range
Floyd | chickens.  "Free range!"  she shouts cheerfully.  "Gas range is more
Floyd | like it!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Uncle Foggy's desk is a great monolith of mahogany, with drawers of all
Floyd | sizes and shapes on virtually every face.  Even though Uncle Foggy did
Floyd | most of his work in his lab, the desk's surface is still scarred from
Floyd | his constant tinkering.  As you know, Uncle Foggy usually kept a carton
Floyd | of assorted parts beneath the desk for idle moments.  Sitting on the
Floyd | center of the desk is a television set.  At one corner, you see Uncle
Floyd | Foggy's Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon Dispenser (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | Your eye is inevitably drawn to the massive Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending) hanging heavily far up on on the wall overhead which, as you
Floyd | know, is activated by a hidden button on the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pecks at the carpet as if looking for worms.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Uncle Foggy's Super Funky Chickenizer (pat.  pending) is a matte black
Floyd | pyramid with a small switch at its apex.  You dearly hope Uncle Foggy
Floyd | left his development notes, or a reversion device, in his lab across
Floyd | the road.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is hacking the limbs off some
Floyd | unfortunate fowl with a butcher's knife the size of Bayonne, New
Floyd | Jersey.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Uncle Foggy often liked to make elaborate balloon animals for favored
Floyd | visitors, and the Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon Dispenser (pat.
Floyd | pending) is another of his inventions.  It's in the shape of a small
Floyd | elephant statuette with raised trunk.  Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal
Floyd | Balloons (pat.  pending) are dispensed from the elephant's open mouth.
Floyd | Yank out one and another takes its place.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Once we're done with our coq au vin," says Julia Childs, "we'll move
Floyd | on to a lovely chicken divan recipe."
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon (pat.  pending)
Floyd | from the floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs sneaks a sip of sherry from a bottle
Floyd | beneath the counter.  You hear the word 'cirrhosis' shouted from among
Floyd | the audience, to which Julia responds "Oh, pish tosh.  There's nothing
Floyd | wrong with MY liver that a little CHICKEN liver won't cure!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the hidden button from the floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | The terrible pounding resumes briefly as Mrs.  Faverolles makes another
Floyd | attempt at the door.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You flap your wings edgily, glancing from desk to sill to shelves to
Floyd | bar, looking for something to hop up onto.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gutteral French accent beyond the door can only be Mrs.  Faverolles
Floyd | cursing Dorkings for chasing her out of the study during her program.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | The terrible pounding resumes briefly as Mrs.  Faverolles makes another
Floyd | attempt at the door.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) zooms off the wall with a
Floyd | resounding SPROI-OI-OING.  Cousin Red, standing in the center of the
Floyd | room, leaps with bulging eyes from the path of the charging trophy.
Floyd | The trophy jerks to a sudden stop about three feet off the ground, in
Floyd | front of the desk.  A moment later, the head snaps back to the wall.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach that from the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Uncle Foggy's desk is a great monolith of mahogany, with drawers of all
Floyd | sizes and shapes on virtually every face.  Even though Uncle Foggy did
Floyd | most of his work in his lab, the desk's surface is still scarred from
Floyd | his constant tinkering.  As you know, Uncle Foggy usually kept a carton
Floyd | of assorted parts beneath the desk for idle moments.  Sitting on the
Floyd | center of the desk is a television set.  At one corner, you see Uncle
Floyd | Foggy's Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon Dispenser (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | Your eye is inevitably drawn to the massive Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending) hanging heavily far up on on the wall overhead which, as you
Floyd | know, is activated by a hidden button on the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Thanks for tuning in," says Julia Childs.  "I know you'll just LOVE
Floyd | our all day long chicken recipe-athon!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the desk and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs mercilessly pounds the carcass of some
Floyd | poor disemboweled fowl with a - gulp - meat tenderizer.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the bar.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is hacking the limbs off some
Floyd | unfortunate fowl with a butcher's knife the size of Bayonne, New
Floyd | Jersey.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Though not a habitual drinker, Uncle Foggy always kept a stocked bar.
Floyd | As kids, you and Winnie often had fun sneaking olives and maraschino
Floyd | cherries.  However, it looks like all of the condiments, along with the
Floyd | booze and glasses, have been locked away.
Floyd |
Floyd | Lying on the surface of the bar is one of Uncle Foggy's Rainbow Wacky
Floyd | Straws (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs coughs up a mouthful of feathers.  "Oh,
Floyd | dear!"  she exlaims.  "Excuse me!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "straws".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "straws".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Another of Uncle Foggy's inventions, the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.
Floyd | pending) was developed with you and Winnie in mind.  It's a ludicrously
Floyd | long flexible straw that randomly changes the color of liquids that
Floyd | pass through it.  You and Winnie used to enjoy drinking Shirley Temples
Floyd | from across the room, watching as the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.
Floyd | pending) turned the drink from cherry cola red to lime rickey green to
Floyd | tang orange.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Thanks for tuning in," says Julia Childs.  "I know you'll just LOVE
Floyd | our all day long chicken recipe-athon!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can only carry one thing at a time in your beak.
Floyd |
Floyd | The terrible pounding resumes briefly as Mrs.  Faverolles makes another
Floyd | attempt at the door.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Tall wooden shelves tower over Uncle Foggy's desk on either side,
Floyd | drawing attention to the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending), mounted
Floyd | prominently on the wall between them.  The shelves are crammed with
Floyd | books of all ages and subjects, though there's probably little on them
Floyd | that hasn't been read by you or Winnie.
Floyd |
Floyd | "You know," says Julia as she strips the flesh off some poor dead bird,
Floyd | "the thing I like about these Purdue chickens is how nice and easily
Floyd | the skins slide off.  I guess it's true what they say.  It really DOES
Floyd | take a tough man to make a tender chicken."  Julia's audience laughs
Floyd | politely.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | A plain, white-framed, four-panel window that looks out on the front
Floyd | lawn.  There's a small knot, about the diameter of your fingertip (the
Floyd | kind you used to have) at the base of the frame where it meets the
Floyd | sill.
Floyd |
Floyd | "I once killed a chicken just to watch it die," says Julia Childs.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It's a small knot just at the very bottom of the frame, about large
Floyd | enough to allow a pencil or a pinky finger between the frame and the
Floyd | sill.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pulls a long strand of fiber from the carpet.  Cousin
Floyd | Red jealously tries to snatch it away, and a tug-of-war ensues.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "beak".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't recognize that sentence.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Dropped.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs mercilessly pounds the carcass of some
Floyd | poor disemboweled fowl with a - gulp - meat tenderizer.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You snatch the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.  pending) up in your beak like
Floyd | a long wriggly worm.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs sneaks a sip of sherry from a bottle
Floyd | beneath the counter.  You hear the word 'cirrhosis' shouted from among
Floyd | the audience, to which Julia responds "Oh, pish tosh.  There's nothing
Floyd | wrong with MY liver that a little CHICKEN liver won't cure!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach that from the bar.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach that from the bar.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the bar and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the windowsill.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is busy shoving her entire forearm up
Floyd | some poor chicken's posterior.  How humiliating!
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Pushing the knot doesn't do anything.
Floyd |
Floyd | "I once killed a chicken just to watch it die," says Julia Childs.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You slide one end of the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.  pending) into the
Floyd | knot in the frame.  Unfortunately, it's a loose fit, and the Rainbow
Floyd | Wacky Straw (pat.  pending) slides out.
Floyd |
Floyd | "You know," says Julia as she strips the flesh off some poor dead bird,
Floyd | "the thing I like about these Purdue chickens is how nice and easily
Floyd | the skins slide off.  I guess it's true what they say.  It really DOES
Floyd | take a tough man to make a tender chicken."  Julia's audience laughs
Floyd | politely.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It's far too heavy too open by chicken power alone, so you motion
Floyd | Winnie over, slam your chicken-twin power-rings together and squawk,
Floyd | "Chicken-Twin Power ACTIVATE!"
Floyd |
Floyd | Or not.
Floyd |
Floyd | (Hint:  that's the puzzle, doofus.)
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pecks at the carpet as if looking for worms.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the windowsill and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs cracks an egg into a bowl, whips it
Floyd | into a light batter, and then drops eviscerated chicken parts into it.
Floyd | "Well," says Julia, "I guess that answers the question of which came
Floyd | first!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You slowly, laboriously climb the bookshelf, one shelf at a time, claw
Floyd | over beak over claw.  Eventually you reach the top.  You look around
Floyd | and find yourself at a level with the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | "I've never tasted human flesh," says Julia, "but I hear it tastes just
Floyd | like Chicken!  Doesn't THAT make you want to pat your tummies and say
Floyd | yummy yummy, viewers?"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) is an enormous, furry buffalo
Floyd | head with thick horns mounted as far apart as a broad man's shoulders.
Floyd | As you know, it rests on a tightly coiled spring, and launches forward
Floyd | at the touch of a button hidden on the desk.  Uncle Foggy favored using
Floyd | the device on unsolicited salesmen and IRS auditors.  He would seat
Floyd | them before the desk, wait until they were deeply engrossed in
Floyd | business, and then...  SPROI-OI-OING!  The huge head would lunge
Floyd | towards them at high velocity while Uncle Foggy screamed, "It's still
Floyd | alive!  Run!  For the love of God, RUN!"  Then he'd cackle hysterically
Floyd | as they tripped over themselves in their rush for the door.  Needless
Floyd | to say, victims of this prank rarely returned.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gutteral French accent beyond the door can only be Mrs.  Faverolles
Floyd | cursing Dorkings for chasing her out of the study during her program.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs drops one of the hens she is preparing.
Floyd | "Oh, too bad," she says, "Looks like that little chicky flew the coop!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You let out an unintelligible squawk, failing to communicate your
Floyd | order.
Floyd |
Floyd | Cousin Red mistakenly runs into Aunt Lamona - she raises a great squawk
Floyd | and pecks Red viciously in return.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon (pat.  pending), a long, thin
Floyd | balloon of the variety used to make balloon animals, is another of
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's inventions.  Uncle Foggy was endlessly fond of making
Floyd | balloon animals for guests, but equally frustrated at their short
Floyd | life-span and tendancy to burst.  So he took vulcanization a step
Floyd | further with Uncle Foggy's Foggyized Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon
Floyd | Rubber (pat.  pending)!
Floyd |
Floyd | "I've never tasted human flesh," says Julia, "but I hear it tastes just
Floyd | like Chicken!  Doesn't THAT make you want to pat your tummies and say
Floyd | yummy yummy, viewers?"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Drawers of all sizes and shape fill Uncle Foggy's desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs sneaks a sip of sherry from a bottle
Floyd | beneath the counter.  You hear the word 'cirrhosis' shouted from among
Floyd | the audience, to which Julia responds "Oh, pish tosh.  There's nothing
Floyd | wrong with MY liver that a little CHICKEN liver won't cure!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the drawers from the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs coughs up a mouthful of feathers.  "Oh,
Floyd | dear!"  she exlaims.  "Excuse me!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) and flutter
Floyd | to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gutteral French accent beyond the door can only be Mrs.  Faverolles
Floyd | cursing Dorkings for chasing her out of the study during her program.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Once we're done with our coq au vin," says Julia Childs, "we'll move
Floyd | on to a lovely chicken divan recipe."
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "draw".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Your new body hasn't got the power to open the heavy wooden drawers.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs cracks an egg into a bowl, whips it
Floyd | into a light batter, and then drops eviscerated chicken parts into it.
Floyd | "Well," says Julia, "I guess that answers the question of which came
Floyd | first!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "ballon".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can only carry one thing at a time in your beak.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs drops one of the hens she is preparing.
Floyd | "Oh, too bad," she says, "Looks like that little chicky flew the coop!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.  pending) slides off the desk to the
Floyd | study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pulls a long strand of fiber from the carpet.  Cousin
Floyd | Red jealously tries to snatch it away, and a tug-of-war ensues.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You grab hold of the long, stringy Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon
Floyd | (pat.  pending) with your beak and pull until it flaps free of the
Floyd | Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon Dispenser (pat.  pending).  You
Floyd | discover that it is the last one in the dispenser, something that
Floyd | leaves you with a queer sense of melancholy.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs mercilessly pounds the carcass of some
Floyd | poor disemboweled fowl with a - gulp - meat tenderizer.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "tie".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach that from the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.  pending) from the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is hacking the limbs off some
Floyd | unfortunate fowl with a butcher's knife the size of Bayonne, New
Floyd | Jersey.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the desk and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | Red - at least you think it's Red - clambers up onto the sofa and crows
Floyd | at the top of his scrawny little lungs.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You slide the mouth of the Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon (pat.
Floyd | pending) over the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | "Later on the program," says Julia Childs, "I'll show you how to feed a
Floyd | family of four even if your man is bringing home chicken feed!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the windowsill.
Floyd |
Floyd | The formerly dour Mr.  Dorkings makes for a peculiar sight as he
Floyd | rebounds off your uncle's desk, leaving a trail of black feathers.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You cram the balloon-covered end of the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.
Floyd | pending) into the knot, then, gripping it with your beak, shove the
Floyd | Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon (pat.  pending) as far into the knot
Floyd | as you can.
Floyd |
Floyd | Cousin Red mistakenly runs into Aunt Lamona - she raises a great squawk
Floyd | and pecks Red viciously in return.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "baloon".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You have no lips and you must blow.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't understand that sentence.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Study, on the windowsill
Floyd | Light from the outside streams in through the closed window,
Floyd | illuminating Uncle Foggy's comfortably cluttered study.  It's full of
Floyd | interesting odds and ends, not the least of which is the trophy mounted
Floyd | on the wall above the desk.  Many were the times that you and Winnie
Floyd | would climb the bookshelves in search of written treasure, and then
Floyd | spread out by the fireplace with your latest finds.  For more dexterous
Floyd | pleasures, there was the carton of assorted works in progress Uncle
Floyd | Foggy usually kept beneath his desk.  If nothing else appealed,
Floyd | sneaking maraschino cherries from the bar was always good for a few
Floyd | giggles.
Floyd |
Floyd | The room is filled with chickens, running in crazy circles and bounding
Floyd | off the furniture and each other.  Resting off to one side of the room
Floyd | is Uncle Foggy's ultimate practical joke.  Sitting on the bar is the
Floyd | Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs sneaks a sip of sherry from a bottle
Floyd | beneath the counter.  You hear the word 'cirrhosis' shouted from among
Floyd | the audience, to which Julia responds "Oh, pish tosh.  There's nothing
Floyd | wrong with MY liver that a little CHICKEN liver won't cure!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You and Winnie used to spend many cold days bundled up by the charming
Floyd | old brick fireplace, with good books and hot chocolate, the latter
Floyd | preferably drunken through one of Uncle Foggy's Wacky Rainbow Straws
Floyd | (pat.  pending).  Standing to one side of the fireplace is an
Floyd | assortment of brass pokers and an old bellows.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pecks at the carpet as if looking for worms.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the windowsill and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs sneaks a sip of sherry from a bottle
Floyd | beneath the counter.  You hear the word 'cirrhosis' shouted from among
Floyd | the audience, to which Julia responds "Oh, pish tosh.  There's nothing
Floyd | wrong with MY liver that a little CHICKEN liver won't cure!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Realizing that you can't use the bellows in its current position, you
Floyd | try to topple it from its upright position by the fireplace.  It
Floyd | budges, but just barely.  Winnie, comprehending your efforts, lends a
Floyd | beak to assist.  Working together, you manage to pull the bellows down
Floyd | to the ground and drag it to the center of the room.
Floyd |
Floyd | "I once killed a chicken just to watch it die," says Julia Childs.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Winnie gives you a light peck as if to say "Don't be a little chicken
Floyd | shit.  I'm not helping you move that again."
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs cracks an egg into a bowl, whips it
Floyd | into a light batter, and then drops eviscerated chicken parts into it.
Floyd | "Well," says Julia, "I guess that answers the question of which came
Floyd | first!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hold the straw firmly in beak and cram it as far into the tube of
Floyd | the bellows as it will go.  The straw fits snugly inside the tube,
Floyd | forming a solid connection.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Later today," says Julia Childs, "we'll be demonstrating how to
Floyd | perform emergency liver transplant surgery on your house pets using
Floyd | chicken liver!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pulls a long strand of fiber from the carpet.  Cousin
Floyd | Red jealously tries to snatch it away, and a tug-of-war ensues.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Another of Uncle Foggy's inventions, the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.
Floyd | pending) was developed with you and Winnie in mind.  It's a ludicrously
Floyd | long flexible straw that randomly changes the color of liquids that
Floyd | pass through it.  You and Winnie used to enjoy drinking Shirley Temples
Floyd | from across the room, watching as the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.
Floyd | pending) turned the drink from cherry cola red to lime rickey green to
Floyd | tang orange.
Floyd |
Floyd | One end of the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.  pending) is inserted into the
Floyd | bellows, while the other is inserted into the Super-Bendy
Floyd | Balloon-Animal Balloon (pat.  pending) and crammed into the knot in the
Floyd | window.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) zooms off the wall with a
Floyd | resounding SPROI-OI-OING.  The trophy jerks to a sudden stop about
Floyd | three feet off the ground, in front of the desk, and just above the
Floyd | bellows lying in the middle of the room.  Aunt Lamona, standing near
Floyd | the bellows, leaps with bulging eyes from the path of the charging
Floyd | trophy.  A moment later, the head snaps back to the wall.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | As much as you would love to end Ms.  Childs' depredations, the
Floyd | television seems to be chicken-proof.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gutteral French accent beyond the door can only be Mrs.  Faverolles
Floyd | cursing Dorkings for chasing her out of the study during her program.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the bellows from the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Later today," says Julia Childs, "we'll be demonstrating how to
Floyd | perform emergency liver transplant surgery on your house pets using
Floyd | chicken liver!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the desk and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs sneaks a sip of sherry from a bottle
Floyd | beneath the counter.  You hear the word 'cirrhosis' shouted from among
Floyd | the audience, to which Julia responds "Oh, pish tosh.  There's nothing
Floyd | wrong with MY liver that a little CHICKEN liver won't cure!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know how to get on the bellows.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs coughs up a mouthful of feathers.  "Oh,
Floyd | dear!"  she exlaims.  "Excuse me!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the windowsill.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is hacking the limbs off some
Floyd | unfortunate fowl with a butcher's knife the size of Bayonne, New
Floyd | Jersey.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the bellows from the windowsill.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs coughs up a mouthful of feathers.  "Oh,
Floyd | dear!"  she exlaims.  "Excuse me!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the windowsill and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pulls a long strand of fiber from the carpet.  Cousin
Floyd | Red jealously tries to snatch it away, and a tug-of-war ensues.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know how to jump the bellows.
Floyd |
Floyd | The terrible pounding resumes briefly as Mrs.  Faverolles makes another
Floyd | attempt at the door.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "pump".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It's an ordinary bellows, lying in the middle of the room in front of
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's desk.  Two bits of tapered wood are joined by an
Floyd | accordion-like sleeve. Pulling the handle out fills it with air;
Floyd | squeezing them together expels the air.  You and Winnie used to use
Floyd | enjoy using this particular bellows to inflate Uncle Foggy's
Floyd | Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloons (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | Attached to the tube of the bellows is one of Uncle Foggy's Rainbow
Floyd | Wacky Straws (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs cracks an egg into a bowl, whips it
Floyd | into a light batter, and then drops eviscerated chicken parts into it.
Floyd | "Well," says Julia, "I guess that answers the question of which came
Floyd | first!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Winnie gives you a light peck as if to say "Don't be a little chicken
Floyd | shit.  I'm not helping you move that again."
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pecks at the carpet as if looking for worms.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | As a chicken, you don't have the muscle (or the hands, for that matter)
Floyd | to squeeze the bellows.  Oh, if only you had hands again!
Floyd |
Floyd | "You know," says Julia as she strips the flesh off some poor dead bird,
Floyd | "the thing I like about these Purdue chickens is how nice and easily
Floyd | the skins slide off.  I guess it's true what they say.  It really DOES
Floyd | take a tough man to make a tender chicken."  Julia's audience laughs
Floyd | politely.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't recognize that sentence.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | There are words after your command I couldn't use.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the bar.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pecks at the carpet as if looking for worms.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You snatch an end of the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) up in your beak.
Floyd | Though quite bulky, they're light enough that you can drag them around
Floyd | single...  er...  beakedly.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is busy shoving her entire forearm up
Floyd | some poor chicken's posterior.  How humiliating!
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the bar and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs mercilessly pounds the carcass of some
Floyd | poor disemboweled fowl with a - gulp - meat tenderizer.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) extend a gardener's reach while
Floyd | trimming tall hedges.  They clamp on to the shoulders at one end, and
Floyd | end in a pair of articulated rubber hands at the other.  The hands
Floyd | operate a second pair of shears, mimicking the operator's own hands,
Floyd | doubling both his reach and his efficiency.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) are another of Uncle Foggy's
Floyd | inventions.  Being the recluse he was, he liked his hedges TALL.
Floyd |
Floyd | "On next week's program," says Julia Childs, "I'll be showing you how
Floyd | to make chicken-fried chicken!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "clamp".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Done.
Floyd |
Floyd | Red - at least you think it's Red - clambers up onto the sofa and crows
Floyd | at the top of his scrawny little lungs.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It's an ordinary bellows, lying in the middle of the room in front of
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's desk.  Two bits of tapered wood are joined by an
Floyd | accordion-like sleeve. Pulling the handle out fills it with air;
Floyd | squeezing them together expels the air.  You and Winnie used to use
Floyd | enjoy using this particular bellows to inflate Uncle Foggy's
Floyd | Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloons (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | Attached to the tube of the bellows is one of Uncle Foggy's Rainbow
Floyd | Wacky Straws (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | "Thanks for tuning in," says Julia Childs.  "I know you'll just LOVE
Floyd | our all day long chicken recipe-athon!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) extend a gardener's reach while
Floyd | trimming tall hedges.  They clamp on to the shoulders at one end, and
Floyd | end in a pair of articulated rubber hands at the other.  The hands
Floyd | operate a second pair of shears, mimicking the operator's own hands,
Floyd | doubling both his reach and his efficiency.
Floyd |
Floyd | The Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) are another of Uncle Foggy's
Floyd | inventions.  Being the recluse he was, he liked his hedges TALL.
Floyd |
Floyd | The terrible pounding resumes briefly as Mrs.  Faverolles makes another
Floyd | attempt at the door.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is busy shoving her entire forearm up
Floyd | some poor chicken's posterior.  How humiliating!
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) zooms off the wall with a
Floyd | resounding SPROI-OI-OING.  The trophy jerks to a sudden stop about
Floyd | three feet off the ground, in front of the desk, and just above the
Floyd | bellows lying in the middle of the room.  Mr.  Dorkings, standing near
Floyd | the bellows, leaps with bulging eyes from the path of the charging
Floyd | trophy.  A moment later, the head snaps back to the wall.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, an audience member asks Julia if she uses free range
Floyd | chickens.  "Free range!"  she shouts cheerfully.  "Gas range is more
Floyd | like it!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) from the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | The formerly dour Mr.  Dorkings makes for a peculiar sight as he
Floyd | rebounds off your uncle's desk, leaving a trail of black feathers.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the desk and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Thanks for tuning in," says Julia Childs.  "I know you'll just LOVE
Floyd | our all day long chicken recipe-athon!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) weren't designed to mount on small
Floyd | fowl.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You snatch an end of the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) up in your beak.
Floyd | Though quite bulky, they're light enough that you can drag them around
Floyd | single...  er...  beakedly.
Floyd |
Floyd | "You know," says Julia as she strips the flesh off some poor dead bird,
Floyd | "the thing I like about these Purdue chickens is how nice and easily
Floyd | the skins slide off.  I guess it's true what they say.  It really DOES
Floyd | take a tough man to make a tender chicken."  Julia's audience laughs
Floyd | politely.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Dorkings was a dour looking man in black.  Now he's a dour looking
Floyd | black chicken.  And those beady eyes don't make him look any more
Floyd | trustworthy.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs coughs up a mouthful of feathers.  "Oh,
Floyd | dear!"  she exlaims.  "Excuse me!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | With one of the light-weight Hedge Helper (pat.  pending) hands
Floyd | clutched in your beak, you attempt to climb the tall bookshelf, without
Floyd | much progress.  Winnie, seeing your plan, beaks down on the other hand
Floyd | and mounts alongside you.  Between you both, you're able, slowly,
Floyd | laboriously, to climb the bookshelves with the Hedge Helpers (pat.
Floyd | pending).  At last you reach the top, even with the Buffalo-On-A-Spring
Floyd | (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | Aunt Lamona and Uncle Orpington - at least you think they're Aunt
Floyd | Lamona and Uncle Orpington - slam into each other at full tilt and
Floyd | knock each other onto the floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs mercilessly pounds the carcass of some
Floyd | poor disemboweled fowl with a - gulp - meat tenderizer.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | There's no good surface on the head itself, but you might be able to
Floyd | mount the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) on the trophy's horns.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gutteral French accent beyond the door can only be Mrs.  Faverolles
Floyd | cursing Dorkings for chasing her out of the study during her program.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | With Winnie's help, you mount the the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) on
Floyd | the horns of the the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs invites an audience member up to assist
Floyd | her.  The volunteer hesitates at reaching into the chicken's cavity,
Floyd | prompting Julia to ask "What're you...  chicken?"  Julia laughs
Floyd | hysterically at her own joke, accompanied by a smattering of applause
Floyd | from the audience.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) and flutter
Floyd | to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | "On next week's program," says Julia Childs, "I'll be showing you how
Floyd | to make chicken-fried chicken!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Once we're done with our coq au vin," says Julia Childs, "we'll move
Floyd | on to a lovely chicken divan recipe."
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) zooms off the wall with a
Floyd | resounding SPROI-OI-OING, the Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending) bouncing
Floyd | crazily behind.  Cousin Red, standing near the bellows, leaps with
Floyd | bulging eyes from the path of the charging trophy just in time to avoid
Floyd | the whipping Hedge Helpers (pat.  pending), which latch onto the
Floyd | bellows and give it a good solid squeeze.  The bellows BOOFS as the air
Floyd | is forced out of it and through the Rainbow Wacky Straw (pat.
Floyd | pending), then into the attached Super-Bendy Balloon-Animal Balloon
Floyd | (pat.  pending), which fills with air, slowly raising the window a
Floyd | scant chicken's height as it swells.  Winnie, seeing your intent, hops
Floyd | onto the windowsill and steps on the mouth of the Super-Bendy
Floyd | Balloon-Animal Balloon (pat.  pending) to prevent the air escaping it.
Floyd | A moment later, the head snaps back to the wall, the Hedge Helpers
Floyd | (pat.  pending) whipping insanely behind.  The bellows slowly returns
Floyd | to its original position as air rushes back into it.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs coughs up a mouthful of feathers.  "Oh,
Floyd | dear!"  she exlaims.  "Excuse me!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | File to save game in >
Floyd | Saved.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | File to save game in >
Floyd | Saved.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach that from the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach that from the desk.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the desk and flutter to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Later on the program," says Julia Childs, "I'll show you how to feed a
Floyd | family of four even if your man is bringing home chicken feed!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You slowly, laboriously climb the bookshelf, one shelf at a time, claw
Floyd | over beak over claw.  Eventually you reach the top.  You look around
Floyd | and find yourself at a level with the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.
Floyd | pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is hacking the limbs off some
Floyd | unfortunate fowl with a butcher's knife the size of Bayonne, New
Floyd | Jersey.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Winnie sees you headed on a course to pull down the Hedge Helpers (pat.
Floyd | pending) and starts up an agitated flapping, as if to say "Don't even
Floyd | think about it, egg head.  We've got to get out of here!"
Floyd |
Floyd | "Once we're done with our coq au vin," says Julia Childs, "we'll move
Floyd | on to a lovely chicken divan recipe."
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You hop down off of the Buffalo-On-A-Spring (pat.  pending) and flutter
Floyd | to the study floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | Uncle Orpington pulls a long strand of fiber from the carpet.  Cousin
Floyd | Red jealously tries to snatch it away, and a tug-of-war ensues.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the windowsill.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs coughs up a mouthful of feathers.  "Oh,
Floyd | dear!"  she exlaims.  "Excuse me!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You're not going anywhere until you get off of the windowsill.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs is hacking the limbs off some
Floyd | unfortunate fowl with a butcher's knife the size of Bayonne, New
Floyd | Jersey.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know how to enter the window pane.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the television, Julia Childs leans out into her audience and asks
Floyd | conspiratorially, "Do you folks know why the chicken crossed the road?"
Floyd | After a moment she answers, "Because it was hauled across in a
Floyd | butcher's cart, of course!"  Her joke is met by silence from the
Floyd | audience, prompting her to respond cheerily with "Well!  THAT joke sure
Floyd | laid an egg!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't recognize that sentence.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You're not going anywhere until you get off of the windowsill.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Thanks for tuning in," says Julia Childs.  "I know you'll just LOVE
Floyd | our all day long chicken recipe-athon!"
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You flounce through the window, Winnie close behind.  You've just
Floyd | reached the outside sill when behind you, a thunderous din begins at
Floyd | the door.  The door cracks open to reveal the terrible figure of Mrs.
Floyd | Faverolles!  She stands beneath the lintel brandishing the mucous-white
Floyd | corpse of a dead fowl in one hand and a great cleaver in the other.
Floyd | All is still as she and your relatives regard each other with silent
Floyd | amazement.  The tableau is broken as Julia Childs show cuts to a
Floyd | commercial and an announcer's voice screams "FUNNY CAR AND MONSTER
Floyd | TRUCK RALLY SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAAAAY!!!"  Mrs.  Faverolles slams the
Floyd | door behind her and wades into the room swinging her bloody cleaver to
Floyd | the sound of manic laughter on the television.  The feathers fly as
Floyd | your relatives carom around the room like chickens with their heads cut
Floyd | off.  You and Winnie watch in horror until the Super-Bendy
Floyd | Balloon-Animal Balloon (pat.  pending) beneath the window finally
Floyd | bursts, sending the window speeding shut and throwing the two of you
Floyd | from your perch on the sill.  You flutter to the ground, no worse for
Floyd | wear.
Floyd |
Floyd | Front Lawn
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's front lawn teeters just on the border of ill-kempt,
Floyd | though no one specific flaw draws attention.  The three vehicles parked
Floyd | on the lawn fail to aid its appearance.  Uncle Foggy's home, Foggywood
Floyd | Manor, lies to the north, while the gate through which you entered
Floyd | rests back to the south.  Though you can't see it over the hedges, you
Floyd | know that beyond the gate and across the road lies the ramshackle cabin
Floyd | that Uncle Foggy called his lab.
Floyd |
Floyd | Winnie is here with you, eagerly waiting for your next move.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Tempting, but not helpful.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You head for the swinging gate, left conveniently ajar, and squeeze
Floyd | through to the other side.  It looks like an easy trip across the road
Floyd | to Uncle Foggie's lab.  But just as you're about to set foot on the
Floyd | road, a streak of copper catches your eye.  It's a fox!  You turn tail
Floyd | and run back through the gate, just in time to bump into Winnie coming
Floyd | out.  The two of you rebound off each other, confusing your sense of
Floyd | direction.  With a growing sense of urgency you rush at the gate again,
Floyd | and manage to squeeze through just as a sharp claw swipes at your tail
Floyd | feathers.  The gate bangs shut behind you, startling the fox away for
Floyd | the moment.  Then it slowly creaks open again.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Not with that fox hanging around out there!  You're going to have to
Floyd | find another way to cross that road.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Front Lawn
Floyd | Uncle Foggy's front lawn teeters just on the border of ill-kempt,
Floyd | though no one specific flaw draws attention.  The three vehicles parked
Floyd | on the lawn fail to aid its appearance.  Uncle Foggy's home, Foggywood
Floyd | Manor, lies to the north, while the gate through which you entered
Floyd | rests back to the south.  Though you can't see it over the hedges, you
Floyd | know that beyond the gate and across the road lies the ramshackle cabin
Floyd | that Uncle Foggy called his lab.
Floyd |
Floyd | Winnie is here with you, eagerly waiting for your next move.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Your worn out coupe looks pretty shoddy compared to the gleaming lustre
Floyd | of the Barnevelder's massive sedan, to say nothing of Red's gargantuan,
Floyd | brilliantly painted truck.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Your Uncle Orpington's Oldsmobuick is a beetle black sedan of late
Floyd | vintage.  It looks big and mean, fit for running down small animals and
Floyd | old ladies on the highway.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Your car is a beaten-up, anonymous-looking two door coupe.  It reminds
Floyd | you of one of Uncle Foggy's favorite jokes:  Why has a chicken coop got
Floyd | only two doors?  Because if it had four it'd be a chicken sedan!
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Your cousin Red's monster truck is a masterpiece of modern automotive
Floyd | engineering.  Its brightly colored chassis hovers nearly five feet off
Floyd | the ground, suspended by enormous black tires big enough to feed an
Floyd | entire tribe of African pygmies through three rainy seasons.  A
Floyd | galvanized metal stair extends down from the driver's side door,
Floyd | without which tiny Red could never have tamed the monster.  Apparently
Floyd | Red left the roof at home, as the cab is open to the air.  Red has
Floyd | obnoxiously parked the truck facing forward right in front of the gate,
Floyd | which forced you to drive around him when you entered.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Followed by Winnie, you hop up the metal steps and flutter over the
Floyd | door into the cab of Red's truck.  It is with incredible relief that
Floyd | you find Red's car keys hanging from the ignition.  You've never driven
Floyd | a truck like this - let alone while wearing a chicken's body - but the
Floyd | ignition, gear stick and gas pedal look like a good place to start.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You turn the keys with your beak, and the monster truck roars to life!
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Cousin Red's gear shift has an eight-ball mounted on the knob.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You and Winnie together both jump on the gear shift, your combined
Floyd | weight just barely enough to slide it into gear.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Fearing that even your combined weight may not be enough, you and
Floyd | Winnie jump together onto the gas pedal.  The truck lurches into
Floyd | motion!  Rear wheels pealing, it bursts forward, crashing through the
Floyd | front gate and across the road, baby!  At the far side, the truck hits
Floyd | a deep pothole that jolts you and Winnie into the air, giving you a
Floyd | perfect view as the truck slams into one sagging wall of Uncle Foggy's
Floyd | ramshackle lab.  The impact flattens you into the windshield, as debris
Floyd | from the crumbling wall crashes down upon you.
Floyd |
Floyd | When the dust finally settles, you and Winnie clamber dizzily out of
Floyd | the truck. Uncle Foggy's lab is a shambles.  Shelves have collapsed,
Floyd | spilling their contents everywhere.  The entire structure looks as
Floyd | though it may fall down at any moment.  But there, posted on a
Floyd | relatively stable section of wall, is a diagram outlining the process
Floyd | of Uncle Foggy's Super Funky Chickenizer (pat.  pending).  Below it, on
Floyd | a sturdy bench, is a small white pyramid - clearly the mate to the
Floyd | device that got you into this mess.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It seems to outline the process of Uncle Foggy's Super Funky
Floyd | Chickenizer (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | This must be the reversion device for Uncle Foggy's Super Funky
Floyd | Chickenizer (pat.  pending).  It's a white matte pyramid with a small
Floyd | switch at its apex.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know the word "use".
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | You can't reach the device from the lab floor.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | I don't know how to read the diagram.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | Wings flapping, you leap up on to the bench.
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | It seems to outline the process of Uncle Foggy's Super Funky
Floyd | Chickenizer (pat.  pending).
Floyd |
Floyd | >

Floyd | The switch flips over with a hollow 'click'...  and suddenly, the world
Floyd | seems smaller.
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd |

Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | Much later, you and Winnie sit down to a sumptuous dinner prepared by
Floyd | Mrs.  Faverolles.  You're both able to laugh over the day's events from
Floyd | the comfortable safety of Uncle Foggy's expansive dining room.
Floyd |
Floyd |    "What a day!"  you exclaim to Winnie between mouthfuls.
Floyd |    "I know," she says, sipping a glass of wine.  "I thought we would
Floyd | never find a way to revert to our old selves."
Floyd |    "Too bad about the Barnevelders missing their chance to participate
Floyd | in the scavenger hunt."
Floyd |    "Oh, yes," nods Winnie.
Floyd |    "So.  How are you finding the chicken?"  you ask, changing the
Floyd | subject.
Floyd |    "Mm, it's a big stringy for my tastes."  says Winnie, chewing a
Floyd | mouthful of food.
Floyd |    "Really?  Mine's quite tender."
Floyd |    "Well, you know what they say," says Winnie.
Floyd |    "What's that?"  you inquire.
Floyd |
Floyd |    "It's all relative!"
Floyd |
Floyd |    * * *
Floyd |
Floyd | Congratulations!  You have won Foggywood Hijinx!
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | Thank you for playing Foggywood Hijinx, a TextFeather release.  On-line
Floyd | registration for TextFeather products will be available at
Floyd | [LINK] on or before June 30, 1998.  Thanks for your
Floyd | patience!