  
 
The idea behind ClubFloyd is that each week at a pre-arranged time, a group of people meet online to cooperatively play a game of interactive fiction. Below is a transcript of Violet, written by Jeremy Freese. Violet was originally released as part of the 2008 IF Competition, where it took first place. You can learn more about the game, including how to download it, by visiting the ifWiki. WARNING! Below you will find a transcript of people playing this game, and it goes without saying that the transcript is full of spoilers. So, if you've never played this game, and think you might like to at some point, I do not recommend reading any further. Instead, you might want to return to the interactive fiction page. |
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| Nitku arrives, full of fun and funk. | ||||
| DavidW hollers, "We're gonna play Violet on Floyd real soon!" | Jota exclaims, "Quick, someone send a moosegram to Alaska!" | |||
| DavidW asks, "Should we wait a bit more for people to remember, log in, rush to the washroom?" | ||||
| inky says, "yeah, few more minutes, maybe" | ||||
| crumple asks, "what are the channels for this?" | ||||
| inky says, "#clubfloyd, #cf-spoilers" | ||||
| inky says, "er, #cfspoilers" | ||||
| DavidW says, "There's two: ... yes, those." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] * Nitku has joined the channel. | ||||
| DavidW says, "#clubfloyd is for main chat, and should be used instead of talking off-channel." | ||||
| DavidW says, "#cfspoilers is for people who want to comment on the playing without spoiling for the people who are." | * crumple has joined the channel. | |||
| [cfspoilers] * crumple has joined the channel. | ||||
| crumple says, "i think it's cfspoilers." | ||||
| DavidW says, "Talking to Floyd is usually done via the f command, eg: f pull lever" | ||||
| DavidW says, "And there's two buttons here in the toyshop to handle entering spaces and carriage-returns: push space and push return, respectively." | DavidW says, "hm, I'm not seeing a stampede of players entering the toyshop." | |||
| inky says, "yeah, go for it" | ||||
| DavidW says, "yeah, let's start" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "load violet" | ||||
Floyd | Welcome to the Cheap Glk Implementation, library version 0.9.0. Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Calm down. All you have to do is write a thousand words and everything Floyd | will be fine. And you have all day, except it's already noon. | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | Floyd | Violet Floyd | A Distraction by Jeremy Freese Floyd | Release 3, November 2008 Floyd | (New readers type ABOUT; HINTS available) Floyd | Floyd | You told me you were making progress. Then I find out you haven't Floyd | finished a paragraph in five months. What did you expect? Floyd | Floyd | So now here you are, up in your office. I am sorry that today is a Floyd | Saturday. I am especially sorry that today is your thirtieth birthday. Floyd | We had all kinds of adventures planned. I refuse to feel guilty. Floyd | Floyd | Of course I am still upset. I will try to set that aside and be Floyd | encouraging. I really do want you to succeed today. Floyd | Floyd | Please just write. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky asks, "hmm, how many people haven't played this?" | |||
| DavidW says, "I haven't." | ||||
| Nitku says, "I have played." | ||||
| inky says, "okey doke" | ||||
| K-Y arrives, full of fun, but no funk. | DavidW says, "I understand that I won't be able to see helpful status bar messages." | |||
| Nitku asks (of DavidW), "Are you still one-handed?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Nitku), "only sorta" | ||||
| DavidW says, "The cast is still on, but I'm using both hands as best as I can." | ||||
| Bishop didn't think Violet was the kind of game you played one-handed, IYKWIM. | ||||
| DavidW says, "It should come off onThursday." | ||||
| Nitku says, "I was thinking if you want to drive. Then again there's so much to poke it probably doesn't matter if there's no designated driver." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "l" | ||||
Floyd | When Wisconsin was recruiting your advisor they promised her space for Floyd | graduate students. You're in a decrepit building but otherwise it's Floyd | not bad. Floyd | Floyd | You've a great big desk in front of a window, a resplendent yellow Floyd | chair, a cabinet in one corner, a giant cactus in another, and a tall Floyd | bookcase on the back wall with an incredibly cute stool in front of it. Floyd | The door is west. Floyd | Floyd | > | Bert says, "Yeah, I think this is a game where anyone can safely jump in." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "i" | ||||
Floyd | You're carrying nothing. Floyd | Floyd | You've a tattoo on the back of your hand. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x tattoo" | ||||
Floyd | "Tattoo" isn't right. You scrawled "TYVTWD" on the back of your hand Floyd | before leaving this morning. It stands for Take Your Violet To Work Floyd | Day. This is your plan: you are going to get through today by Floyd | pretending I'm here with you. Floyd | Floyd | Just so we're clear: you are actually alone, and presumably I am back Floyd | at our apartment, packing and crying. Floyd | Floyd | Somebody is coming up the stairs. I thought you said no one ever comes Floyd | in on the weekend? Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "ha ha" | |||
| Nitku says (to Floyd), "rub tattoo" | ||||
Floyd | I feel a bit like you are just trying random things as a way of Floyd | procrastinating. Floyd | Floyd | Please. Just WRITE. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "sit on stool" | ||||
Floyd | There is no reason to sit on the stool. Stand on it if you need to Floyd | reach something. (And sit on your comfy yellow chair if you want to Floyd | write.) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "sit on chair" | ||||
Floyd | Okay. You are seated at your desk and ready to go. Just write! Floyd | Floyd | Two voices in the hallway: a man and Julia. Julia hasn't been in her Floyd | office in weeks. She shows up on a Saturday? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | Unfortunately, with all the pacing about and ruminating, you've been Floyd | here over two hours but haven't actually opened your word processor Floyd | yet. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x computer" | ||||
Floyd | The desktop PC is old but perfectly fine for writing. In addition to Floyd | your word processor, applications you can OPEN include a browser, chat Floyd | and e-mail. Floyd | Floyd | The computer has a USB port in the front and is connected to the Floyd | Internet with a cable in back. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW asks, "I didn't remember seeing a computer mentioned. I guess I forgot to x desk?" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x desk" | ||||
Floyd | Of course the big oak desk is unusually posh for a graduate student Floyd | office. It belonged to a professor who had a stroke at his computer Floyd | and none of the other faculty wanted a desk on which once rested the Floyd | head of a dead colleague. Floyd | Floyd | On top of the desk are your computer, my itinerary, a framed darling Floyd | and a pile you cannot even contemplate right now. Floyd | Floyd | The desk's drawer is closed. A wastebasket is on the floor to the Floyd | left. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "you're a grad student, of course you have a computer" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i was going to add playing the comp games as part of the special clubfloyd violet release." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x framed darling" | ||||
Floyd | Why you chose this photo of me, I don't know. It's from a party last Floyd | summer. I've an enormous foam lobster on my head and whipped cream all Floyd | over my right cheek. I'm smiling manically and look like I may be so Floyd | tipsy that I don't know what continent I'm on. Floyd | Floyd | Permit me two moments of immodesty: Floyd | Floyd | 1. Even in a picture where I'm not at my best, I am still clearly Floyd | worth a thousand words. Floyd | Floyd | 2. The frame itself is very cleverly done. Floyd | Floyd | > | Bert says, "I thought grad students were supposed to have cardboard boxes out by the dumpsters behind the lab." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open word processor" | ||||
Floyd | Open. Chapter 3 of your dissertation awaits. You can do it! Floyd | Floyd | Julia is here to sabotage you. I'm sure of it. She's in her office Floyd | across the hall now, talking loudly with her door open. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "well, sure, but then they have a laptop" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x door" | ||||
Floyd | (standing up first) Floyd | It's a plain white wooden door. On the other side is distraction and Floyd | ruin. Abandon hope, all ye who exit. Floyd | Floyd | On the wall beside the door is the lightswitch. Above the door is a Floyd | vent. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "I mean, c'mon, they're not *animals*" | |||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "I admit I did briefly wonder if there was a response to PLAY VIOLET" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | You start trying to focus on the screen and type, but you are very Floyd | tired. I realise that you hardly slept last night between being all Floyd | worked up from our fight and then being banished to the dodgy futon in Floyd | our living room. Floyd | Floyd | Still. I know you won't let a little grogginess stop you. You are Floyd | determined. For us! Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "I am not sure what Violet herself would think of that." | K-Y says, "It took me forever to examine the stuff on the desk" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "get determined" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "ha ha" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x itinerary" | ||||
Floyd | A printout of an airline receipt for a certain Ms. Violet C., for a Floyd | flight from Madison to Chicago to Los Angeles to Auckland to Melbourne. Floyd | One-way, refundable. Departing early tomorrow morning. Floyd | Floyd | I hate that I've given you an ultimatum. But I don't feel like I've Floyd | any choice. Floyd | Floyd | The dude with Julia sounds like the one she was flirting with at Lucy's Floyd | party. Remember? He was scrawny and said his parents owned a hotel in Floyd | Milwaukee called "The Historic Pfister." Floyd | Floyd | > | K-Y says, "I think 'itinerary' just brought back traumatic memories of that other game" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "it might answer for her what he's spent the past months doing while procrastinating." | inky asks, "the travelling salesman game?" | |||
| K-Y says, "never played that one" | ||||
| Bert says (to inky), "Good point. The animals' cages are *inside* the lab, where it's warm." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | You are trying, I can tell. But each time you begin to think through Floyd | the opening sentence you get this dull cloudy tired pain right behind Floyd | your eyes. Floyd | Floyd | Okay. You want to write. You just need to get yourself more awake Floyd | first. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "hee hee" | |||
| K-Y says, "you know, that other game where you destroy your apartment while locked inside" | ||||
| inky says, "oh yeah" | ||||
| DavidW asks, "I suppose I need coffee or cola here?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "violet was originally from adelaide instead of melbourne but a couple beta-tests suggested that adelaide might not be as widely known as i'd thought." | DavidW says, "Personally, I'm trying oatmeal and orange juice for the B1." | |||
| [cfspoilers] inky asks, "of course we know what it is -- it's some kind of artificial fruit drink, right?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x coffee" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand" | ||||
Floyd | You stand. Floyd | Floyd | I don't know why I confided in Lucy about our problems. I should have Floyd | known she would tell Julia. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "find coffee" | ||||
Floyd | If you'd wanted coffee, you really ought to have stopped at Java Squid Floyd | on the drive here. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "Ha." | DavidW asks, "Is this an office or apartment?" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "w" | ||||
Floyd | You need to write. Your computer is here. Floyd | Floyd | (Besides, your office door is closed. Might I add: for a reason.) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "ha about adelaide. FIND COFFEE was implemented post-comp." | ||||
| Bert says (to Floyd), "look" | ||||
Floyd | Many graduate students would be jealous of your having a door that you Floyd | can close, high ceilings, and, most glamorous of all, a window. You Floyd | also have a huge desk, a gorgeous yellow chair, a cabinet, an Floyd | admittedly incongruous cactus, a tall bookcase, and an incredibly cute Floyd | stool. Floyd | Floyd | On the desk are your computer, my itinerary, a cleverly framed picture Floyd | and a pile you cannot even contemplate. A wastebasket is on the floor. Floyd | Floyd | You look out the window for a moment, at the wonderfully serene park Floyd | across the street. We could be frolicking right now. We could be Floyd | canoodling in the shrubbery. Please just write. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea arrives, full of funk, but no fun. | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "touch cactus" | ||||
Floyd | Eek! No. Do you remember how last month you spent an entire afternoon Floyd | whinging because you had a splinter? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "lick cactus" | Lucea says, "bah, sorry I'm late" | |||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | Bert says, "It's an office." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "hit me" | ||||
Floyd | You engage in a few zesty rounds of abusing yourself, but I don't think Floyd | it really gets you any more awake. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "pinch me" | ||||
Floyd | I didn't understand that sentence. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "rub eyes" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "exercise" | ||||
Floyd | Sorry for being confused, budgie, but you're going to have to use a Floyd | different verb for me to follow you. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open drawer" | ||||
Floyd | You open the drawer and there's a shiny little key and your notebook. Floyd | Floyd | Although you write on your computer, you still like to keep a pen and Floyd | notebook handy because it sometimes helps to work out more complicated Floyd | sentences in longhand before typing them in. You've several pens in Floyd | your bag. Floyd | Floyd | Hey, wallaroo: where's your bag? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "find bag" | ||||
Floyd | I didn't understand that sentence. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "x bag" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see it here. Where is it? Floyd | Floyd | Ugh. You were so distracted this morning that you left your bag back Floyd | at our apartment. I am a gentle girlfriend and will refrain from Floyd | marvelling at how it's past noon and you are only realising this now. Floyd | Floyd | You cannot go get your bag. You know you are doomed to an afternoon of Floyd | meandering distraction if you leave this office. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x key" | ||||
Floyd | I believe it's the key to the cabinet. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia laughing inauthentically and telling Floyd | Historic Pfister "You are so clever." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] K-Y says, "I also went the whole game with the light off" | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "get bag" | ||||
Floyd | Do not even try to blame me for you forgetting your bag. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take all from drawer" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] K-Y says, "I'm not sure if there was a point to that" | ||||
Floyd | One thing at a time today, dundeecake. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "FIND BAG especially should have been implemented." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take key" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, vegemite. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take notebook" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, lorikeet. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x it" | ||||
Floyd | It's a smallish notebook, about 10x15 centimetres. The cover is Floyd | lenticular. From this angle, it's a drawing of the comic book hero Floyd | Professor Detective telling one of his graduate students, "You carry Floyd | the heaviest of all burdens: POTENTIAL." Floyd | Floyd | Several pages inside the notebook have writing on them. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. Today in the park, a laughing Floyd | couple that could have been us toss a frisbee back and forth, and an Floyd | older gentleman is walking his malamute. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "read notebook" | ||||
Floyd | The first page with writing has a sentence ending with the word "gaps." Floyd | You've crossed this out and rewritten it with "lacunae" instead. That Floyd | you crossed out and tried "interstices." You crossed that out in Floyd | favour of "interstitial lacunae," but then that has several lines Floyd | through it and a little drawing of me saying "Quit being pretentious." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] K-Y says, "I think immediately I expected a 'block out all light from passing under the door' puzzle" | inky says, "lorikeet sounds very sweet" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "unlock cabinet with key" | ||||
Floyd | You unlock the cabinet, glancing briefly at the trophy on top as you Floyd | do. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x trophy" | ||||
Floyd | You trained for months and had to run the entire race in the rain. A Floyd | chintzy little medal after all that? You deserve better! So Floyd | afterwards I took the big sign I'd held up for you and spent two days Floyd | folding it into a proper trophy. Floyd | Floyd | > | Lucea says, "aw, the notebook gets better" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open cabinet" | ||||
Floyd | Last night, near the very end: Floyd | "I want you to have your birthday present regardless." Floyd | "Violet, I'll write the thousand words." Floyd | "I planned a treasure hunt for you. I wrote clues! It was going to Floyd | end in your office." Floyd | "I am going to write tomorrow. I promise." Floyd | "Look in that cabinet you never use. You'll like how I wrapped it." Floyd | Floyd | You open the cabinet, revealing a very odd balloon and a plastic bottle Floyd | filled with a fluorescent pink liquid. Floyd | Floyd | > | Bert says, "Every time I hear Violet call you 'wallaroo', I think of the Seatbelts song 'Ask DNA'." | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i'm looking forward to seeing lorikeets when i go to oz next month." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "wallaroos, too." | Bert says, "(Although I can never remember the name of it, so I had to look it up before I could say that.)" | |||
| [cfspoilers] inky asks, "have you been there before?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x balloon" | ||||
Floyd | It's about 25 centimetres across, milky white rubber decorated with Floyd | purple ink swirls. A strange furry thing is inside, its three long Floyd | legs pressing against the sides. At the bottom of the balloon is a Floyd | bright yellow tab on which I've written "Pull me!" Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia talking about her abs. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "no, this will be my first time. meeting my girlfriend's family, among other things." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x bottle" | ||||
Floyd | The bottle is dusty. Is this even yours, or is it left over from Floyd | Marty? Floyd | Floyd | The label has several large characters of what looks like a cross of Floyd | Chinese, Cyrillic, and cuneiform. Small type beneath says "Divine Floyd | Soda Mega Energy". The label also has a drawing of a devil poking a man Floyd | in the [bother]* with an electrified pitchfork. The man's eyes bulge Floyd | and his mouth rounds into a scream. Floyd | Floyd | The bottle is filled with a fluorescent pink liquid. Floyd | Floyd | You start looking toward the door with an irksome dreaminess. Whatever Floyd | else about Julia, the woman knows how to choose perfume. Of course, Floyd | I'm not sure how much she's poured on herself that you can smell it Floyd | this far away. Floyd | Floyd | (BTW: I've decided I'm just going to "*" whenever I have an aside. Floyd | ASIDE or * and I'll tell you.) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "right on" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert asks, "Do they have a comic shop for you?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "I assume there will be a hilarious scene where they drink you under the table" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "heh" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "hee! we'll see!" | DavidW says, "I guess I've found some sort of energy drink." | |||
| inky says (to Floyd), "x bottle" | ||||
Floyd | The only part of the label in English says "Divine Soda Mega Energy." Floyd | The bottle is filled with a fluorescent pink liquid. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take bottle" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, muttonplum. Floyd | Floyd | You look toward the door: the perfume again. I agree that it's really Floyd | appealing. But, still, this is Julia!* Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "clean it" | ||||
Floyd | I'm sorry if I'm being obtuse, little numbat, but I don't understand Floyd | what that would accomplish. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "aside" | ||||
Floyd | Remember when you first asked me out? I said, "You already have a Floyd | girlfriend." Floyd | "I wouldn't if I had known I was going to meet you." Floyd | "How charming. Will you say the same thing to the woman you dump me Floyd | for?" Floyd | "Julia and I aren't serious. She doesn't even care about me. I'm the Floyd | respectable diversion after the mess with the emeritus history Floyd | professor leaving his wife. The only reason she'd be upset is she's Floyd | proud of her streak where no man has ever broken up with her." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "smell perfume" | ||||
Floyd | It's annoying how smitten you seem to be with Julia's perfume. I'm not Floyd | going to indulge you by describing its appeals in detail. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open bottle" | ||||
Floyd | It's open. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. A blond-haired father and Floyd | even-blonder son are walking into the park from the east, and entering Floyd | your view from the west is a zombie. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "drink liquid" | ||||
Floyd | Holy [bother] is that strong! You feel like your brain is now a giant Floyd | sparkler. You feel invincible. You feel like buying a circus. You Floyd | feel like moving to South America and starting a revolution. Floyd | Floyd | Dissertation? You feel like writing a trilogy. And an opera. You Floyd | feel like fathering roomfuls of monkeys to type randomly until they Floyd | write your dissertation for you. Floyd | Floyd | Whatever else, you're now plenty alert. (I'm e-mailing Marty to find Floyd | out where I can get some of that.) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | Completely, unblinkingly alert, you start thinking again about the Floyd | first sentence. "Previous scholarship has typically conceptualized..." Floyd | Six seconds later you check your e-mail. You switch back to your word Floyd | processor for a bit, but then you start reading some blogs. You check Floyd | your e-mail again. Then back to blogs. Floyd | Floyd | I suspect this is much of how the past several months in your office Floyd | have gone. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | You start again. Except you immediately check your e-mail. Then you Floyd | read some web comics. Then a few of your favourite Professor Detective Floyd | fanblogs. Floyd | Floyd | Please, gumnut. You need to focus. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly "...You could use Floyd | mine to calculate pi..."* Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "american spelling of conceptualized since it is him typing." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "focus" | ||||
Floyd | For me, honestly, it's as simple as that. For you, it's more Floyd | difficult. You are still wonderful. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "aside" | ||||
Floyd | Remember the story about how when Julia was in college, she told two Floyd | math guys she'd hook up with whichever one memorised pi to the most Floyd | places? She made them stand on chairs at a party, alternating digits Floyd | until one of them missed. She claims it went on for two hours. Floyd | Floyd | Then she didn't even go home with the winner! Instead there was a Floyd | Russian computer scientist who claimed he could spontaneously generate Floyd | truly random digits. She said, "Prove it!" He said, "Four!" And she Floyd | swooned and pulled him into a bathroom. Floyd | Floyd | I cannot believe she told you that story and you continued dating her. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Nitku says (to Floyd), "scream at julia" | ||||
Floyd | That is what Julia wants. She wants you to engage her. She wants you Floyd | to argue with her because she knows it will get you wound up and then Floyd | you won't be able to concentrate the rest of the day. You must ignore Floyd | her. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "I don't even see those asterisks." | |||
| inky says, "ha ha" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "the asterisks are red if the interpreter displays color." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "kiss photo" | ||||
Floyd | You can only do that to something animate. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x frame" | ||||
Floyd | I took the concert flier from our first "date" and made it into a hard Floyd | plastic laminate--you know, like a Shrinky Dink. I made a clear Floyd | plastic sheet the same size to go over the front of the photograph. Floyd | Then I fused a sturdy binder clip to the two pieces to hold everything Floyd | in place. Floyd | Floyd | You are thinking about your bag. Sure, it's unfortunate, but there's Floyd | nothing you can do. So just forget about it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea asks, "This wasn't a true story, right?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple asks, "the internet puzzle actually kind of is. otherwise, no. hey, they didn't do the ABOUT?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "the value of the random digit has been changed" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "the pi thing" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x window" | ||||
Floyd | (standing up first) Floyd | Your window is immediately behind your desk, about two metres high and Floyd | one wide. It has an old grey blind, which is raised. Floyd | Floyd | On the sill I am a bit surprised to see a lighter. Floyd | Floyd | You look out the window. The zombie in the park is dressed like an Floyd | investment banker, but you recognise him as a zombie because of the Floyd | pasty skin, blood dripping from his mouth, and lurching gait. He Floyd | pauses to look at his watch. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take lighter" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, sticky pudding. It's hard for me to be enthusiastic about Floyd | lighters as a woman who owns her own blowtorch. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "lower blind" | ||||
Floyd | You pull the cord and nothing happens. You complained to me about this Floyd | weeks ago and I explained what the problem likely was and how to fix Floyd | it. Remember? Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia going on loudly about how you get a Floyd | discount if you get both tongue piercings at the same time. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x cord" | ||||
Floyd | It's a plain white cord, easily tangled. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "untangle it" | ||||
Floyd | I didn't understand that sentence. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "pull cord" | ||||
Floyd | You pull the cord again and nothing happens. I think you'll have to Floyd | get on your desk and look at the blind to figure out what's wrong. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on stool" | ||||
Floyd | The stool creaks as you climb onto it. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. A second zombie enters the park Floyd | from the east, holding a sign. The first zombie looks relieved. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x blind" | ||||
Floyd | (first getting off the stool) Floyd | I wish the blind was more colourful. It's raised. There's a cord. Floyd | Floyd | I don't think you're going to be able to figure out what the problem is Floyd | with the blind from down here. You'll have to get onto the desk. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "KISS PHOTO and UNTANGLE CORD should have been implemented." | ||||
| olethros arrives, full of fun, but no funk. | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x sign" | ||||
Floyd | You know those hipsters-dressed-up-as-zombies, they're always agitating Floyd | about something. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read sign" | ||||
Floyd | You know those hipsters-dressed-up-as-zombies, they're always agitating Floyd | about something. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia talking about her [bother]. I can't Floyd | believe you dated someone so crass. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on desk" | ||||
Floyd | You climb onto your desk. Be careful, fruit cup. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x blind" | ||||
Floyd | You can see what's wrong with the blind now. The little whatever is Floyd | stuck.* This is easy: you can just FIX it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "aside" | ||||
Floyd | Actual-Me of course knows precisely what the whatever is called. I Floyd | used the right term when I explained the workings of your blind to you Floyd | at length on that napkin at WinkyDog. Imaginary-Me is using "whatever" Floyd | because you don't remember. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] (from Bert) crumple opens the source and starts working on Release 4. | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "fix blind" | ||||
Floyd | You squint at the whatever for awhile and fiddle. Squint, fiddle, Floyd | still stuck. I think when I said you could easily fix it what I really Floyd | meant was that, if I were there, I could easily fix it. Floyd | Floyd | Squint, fiddle, SNAP. You did it! Or, wait, maybe you broke it. Floyd | Floyd | Looking closer, you've definitely broken the whatever. Perhaps you've Floyd | also fixed it. I can't tell. Floyd | Floyd | Your eyes go all dreamy again as the latest waft of Julia's perfume Floyd | induces another galling little reverie. Ugh. You have to snap out of Floyd | this. Floyd | Floyd | > | olethros says, "damn I am late" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x blind" | ||||
Floyd | The blind is raised. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "hee. just keeping a list for now." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "pull cord" | ||||
Floyd | You pull the cord and the blind lowers halfway, then stops. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "g" | ||||
Floyd | You raise the blind. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. The sign held by the zombie says Floyd | "Zombies Was People Too". Another pair of people dressed up as zombies Floyd | enter the park. One holds a sign saying "Undead and Proud!" Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "pull blind" | ||||
Floyd | (presuming you want to pull the cord) Floyd | You pull the cord and the blind lowers halfway again. That's all the Floyd | lower it's going now that you've broken the whatever. Ugh. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand" | ||||
Floyd | I'm confused. You're presently standing on the floor of your office. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "hmm. I was thinking you could physically pull the blinds down. and then maybe put something heavy on them to hold them down" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x whatever" | ||||
Floyd | It's broken now. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "Impressive, huh? Floyd | When I was in high school my guidance counsellor recommended that I Floyd | become a contortionist." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "IIRC you dont pull the blinds down all the way" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take whatever" | ||||
Floyd | That seems to be a part of the blind. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "but they could break if you try that" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | (getting off the desk first) Floyd | You look at the blank screen for a few moments and then check your Floyd | e-mail. You hit refresh just in case someone has e-mailed in the last Floyd | four seconds. Now you are looking at procrastination self-help Floyd | websites. I am trying to remain calm. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | No pretence, even: you start checking e-mail immediately. Now you are Floyd | watching some random online food safety videos. We need to face the Floyd | fact that you must somehow force yourself to be offline before you'll Floyd | get any writing accomplished. Floyd | Floyd | You are thinking about your bag again. "Why am I always so forgetful?" Floyd | you say aloud. "Why am always I so disorganized?" Lorikeet, dwelling Floyd | on it won't help. "I know!" you exclaim. "Why do I always dwell on Floyd | everything?" Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x modem" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x computer" | ||||
Floyd | The PC is old but fine. Applications include a word processor, Floyd | browser, chat, and e-mail. Floyd | Floyd | The computer has a USB port in the front and is connected to the Floyd | Internet with a cable in back. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "yeah, i had PULL DOWN BLIND suggested in beta but wasn't sure how exactly to implement it." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "unplug cable" | ||||
Floyd | You unplug the ethernet cable. Good! It has to be easier to write if Floyd | you can't chat, check e-mail, and surf the web whenever you want. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | You resume thinking about the first sentence. You fidget. Your hands Floyd | tremble a bit. You want to check your e-mail. You want to read blogs. Floyd | And then: you retrieve the cable and plug it back into the computer. Floyd | Floyd | Ugh. I didn't know it was this bad, spongemuffin. I don't know what Floyd | to say. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "It's not so much Floyd | that I'm double jointed as just very determined." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "make a new verb" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "or FORCE BLIND DOWN" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "unplug cable" | ||||
Floyd | Done, weet-bix. You're now holding the ethernet cable. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open window" | ||||
Floyd | (standing up first) Floyd | For a graduate student like yourself, having an office with a window Floyd | and a great view is almost too much to hope for. A window that Floyd | actually opens is, in fact, too much to hope for. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "break window" | ||||
Floyd | It's hard for me to see what purpose breaking your window would serve. Floyd | More importantly, someone would almost certainly see and call campus Floyd | security, and that will introduce new hassles to your afternoon and Floyd | prevent you from getting any writing done. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. There are maybe a dozen zombies Floyd | in the park now, lurching and milling about. Two unfurl a Floyd | blood-spattered banner that says, "What do we want? Brains! When do Floyd | we want them? Brains!" Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "eat cable" | ||||
Floyd | I'm confused. That's not something you can eat. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "chew cable" | ||||
Floyd | Please do not squander your afternoon indiscriminately gnawing at Floyd | things around your office. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "cut cable with teeth" | ||||
Floyd | I only understood you as far as wanting to cut the blue ethernet cable. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "step on cable" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "x it" | ||||
Floyd | I don't know why they've used a 50 foot ethernet cable when it's less Floyd | than three feet from your computer to the jack. Much of the cable is Floyd | dirty from all the dust and whatever else has collected underneath your Floyd | desk. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "Sure, she's Floyd | cute. If you can get past the mole." Floyd | Floyd | Hey! Watch it, Julia. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "x connector" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW asks, "Can we lock it in the cabinet and toss the key?" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put cable in wastebasket" | ||||
Floyd | You put the blue ethernet cable into the wastebasket. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | You try again. Two minutes later you take the cable and plug it back Floyd | into the computer. You start idly googlestalking friends from primary Floyd | school. Floyd | Floyd | Okay. We are not going to to be able to work out your "internet Floyd | addiction" issues today, lemon squidgie. We need to figure out a way Floyd | forward anyway. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take cable" | ||||
Floyd | Done, berry smush. You're now holding the ethernet cable. Floyd | Floyd | Meanwhile, it has become officially disconcerting just how much you're Floyd | distracted by Julia's strumpy perfume. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "ah. davidw is quick." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "unplug it" | ||||
Floyd | The cable is not plugged in to the computer. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take balloon" | ||||
Floyd | (standing up first) Floyd | Yours, pollywaffle. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look in cabinet'" | ||||
Floyd | On the cabinet's top is a spectacularly intricate origami trophy. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. The zombie march has attracted Floyd | counter-protesters. One of them is an older man in overalls who is Floyd | holding an American flag in one hand and a sign saying "These colors Floyd | don't lurch" in the other. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "open cabinet" | ||||
Floyd | That's already open. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put cable in it" | ||||
Floyd | You put the blue ethernet cable into the cabinet. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "close it" | ||||
Floyd | That's not something you can close. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia saying "She makes things that look like Floyd | summer camp crafts and tries to convince people they're art." Floyd | Floyd | I wonder if I'd get away with it if I killed her right before my flight Floyd | leaves tomorrow morning. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "close cabinet" | ||||
Floyd | You close the cabinet. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "lock cabinet with key" | ||||
Floyd | You lock the cabinet. Clever little wallaroo. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "x it" | ||||
Floyd | It's University Drab, about a metre high with a silly fake wood front. Floyd | It's closed and locked. Floyd | Floyd | On top of the cabinet is the opposite of drab: a stupendously intricate Floyd | origami trophy. Floyd | Floyd | You are thinking about your bag again. Honestly, you probably don't Floyd | even really need a pen, except now you're obsessing about how you'd Floyd | have a pen if only you hadn't forgotten your bag. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple asks, "why didn't CLOSE IT work?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in vent" | ||||
Floyd | Why would you think you can reach the vent from here? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "it thought you meant the cable" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on stool" | ||||
Floyd | The stool creaks again as you climb onto it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "(it was the last direct object)" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in vent" | ||||
Floyd | Why would you think you can reach the vent from here? Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia loudly saying "I bet when they first hooked Floyd | up, she was like, 'Would you like to see my didgeridoo?'" (That has to Floyd | be the most gallingly inept fake Australian accent I have ever heard. Floyd | She sounds like a Norwegian parakeet.) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x vent" | ||||
Floyd | (first getting off the stool) Floyd | It's an ordinary vent with a metal grill. Floyd | Floyd | A purplish bit of something is under the right bottom corner of the Floyd | vent. You can't see what it is from down here. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "purplish" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x purplish" | ||||
Floyd | You can't really make out what the purplish bit is from down here. Floyd | You'd need to move something over to the door that you can stand on. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move stool to door" | ||||
Floyd | The stool is now by the door. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. A wood-panelled van pulls up on Floyd | the street in front of the park. "Wood-panelled" doesn't perhaps Floyd | describe it right, as it's more like someone put wood veneer around the Floyd | entire frame of the van, to make it look like a ship or something. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on stool" | ||||
Floyd | The stool creaks once again as you climb onto it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x purplish" | ||||
Floyd | It's some thread. But, like I said, nutter butter, it's stuck in the Floyd | corner of the vent above you. If you want to get a good look at it, Floyd | take it first. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take it" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, cuttlefish. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia laughing and mock-shrieking "Or maybe, Floyd | 'Touch my kiwi! Touch my kiwi!'" Ugh. How can someone almost have Floyd | her Ph.D. and not know that kiwis are New Zealand, not Australia? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x thread" | ||||
Floyd | It's perhaps ten centimetres long. I adore lilac! I've a jumper this Floyd | colour (I mean, a sweater--such a quirky word.) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x vent" | ||||
Floyd | The vent has a square metal grill. You try to look into the vent but Floyd | it's dark and you are still maybe 30 centimetres or more below it. You Floyd | won't be able to see into the vent from here. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "this ends up being a red herring. i cut about 10-15% from violet for timing reasons, including more with this." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open vent" | ||||
Floyd | I'm sure one day you'll have an office with a window you can open and a Floyd | vent you can close. But not while you're a graduate student. Floyd | Floyd | You have another incredibly annoying swoony moment because of Julia's Floyd | perfume. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "but the vent had to stay because it figures in the ending." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in vent" | ||||
Floyd | Unfortunately, the key doesn't quite fit between the bars of the grill Floyd | in front of the vent. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x grill" | ||||
Floyd | It's just a metal grid. It's not the kind you can open or close. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "break grill" | ||||
Floyd | You are trying to break random things as a way of procrastinating. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. The back door of the van opens Floyd | and ten pirates storm out of the back, swords raised. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand" | ||||
Floyd | You are already on the stool. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "eat key" | ||||
Floyd | It looks so easy in movies! You put it in your mouth and will Floyd | yourself to swallow hard. But when the key is at the top of your Floyd | throat, some primordial terror reflex kicks in and you cough the key Floyd | back into your hand. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "l" | ||||
Floyd | Bear in mind that, meanwhile, I'm using the walk-in closet of our Floyd | apartment as a "studio." Floyd | Floyd | You've a quite large desk in front of a window, a resplendent yellow Floyd | chair, a cabinet in one corner, an absurdly large cactus in another, Floyd | and a tall bookcase on the back wall with an incredibly cute stool. Floyd | The door is west. Floyd | Floyd | On the desk are your computer, my itinerary, a cleverly framed picture Floyd | and a pile you cannot even contemplate. A miraculously intricate Floyd | origami trophy sits on top of the cabinet. A wastebasket is on the Floyd | floor. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "You've been Floyd | working out. I've noticed." Floyd | Floyd | Oh no. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | (first getting off the stool) Floyd | Two weeks ago: Floyd | "Violet. Take this. Do not give it back to me for a month." Floyd | "Is this your car key?" Floyd | "Just the trunk. The boot. I put all the books from my office in Floyd | there." Floyd | "You said you just needed to read one more book and then you were ready Floyd | to write." Floyd | "And you pointed out that I've said that several times before. You're Floyd | right. I've read enough. I just need to get what's in my head onto Floyd | the computer." Floyd | Floyd | Of course I'm so used to seeing your bookcase full that it's strange Floyd | now to see it nearly empty. Floyd | Floyd | On the second shelf is a book. On the bottom shelf is a smartly-done Floyd | snowglobe. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i'm not sure what to make more obvious that the pile is something one needs to examine." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "that is, what to do that clues that better." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "I think in my case, I took a while to examine the pile because at the start, Violet was discouraging me from examining everything in the room." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look behind bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | Nothing. I'm not sure what you were expecting. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "I don't know about anyone else." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key behind it" | ||||
Floyd | The bookcase is bolted firmly to the wall. Floyd | Floyd | Your attention wanders as you start admonishing yourself again for Floyd | forgetting your bag. Oh, sweateroo. Your gaze upward in Floyd | self-loathing, whereupon you are suddenly distracted by something odd Floyd | about the sprinkler in the corner above the cactus. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "x sprinkler" | ||||
Floyd | Remember? Last October: Floyd | "Hey, wallaroo, why is there a pen between the sprinkler and the Floyd | ceiling?" Floyd | "It's been there since I moved in." Floyd | "How could somebody even wedge a pen up in there like that?" Floyd | "It's even more mysterious considering that the previous occupant of Floyd | this office was a dwarf." Floyd | "Marty! He was hilarious! Remember the prank with the disappearing ink Floyd | toner cartridge?" Floyd | "That was mostly you, dear. All Marty did was slip it in Julia's Floyd | printer before her big presentation." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "look under desk! under desk!" | DavidW says, "oh dear" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x book" | ||||
Floyd | This is the latest "last book you really must read before you are able Floyd | to write your dissertation without a nagging feeling that there is one Floyd | more book you really must read." If you start reading it now, hours Floyd | will go by, and you won't write your thousand words. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | It's a glass globe with a plain wooden bottom. Inside is a happy Floyd | winter scene, with a paunchy, smiling figurine in a white outfit and Floyd | snow up to his ankles. His hands look like they are covered with Floyd | chocolate. Floyd | Floyd | (BTW: you know full well that Marty is not a dwarf. He isn't even Floyd | especially short.*) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x sprinkler" | ||||
Floyd | The sprinkler looks pretty ordinary. What's not ordinary is the pen Floyd | that is wedged at an angle between the nozzle and the ceiling. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia squealing, "Wait, it's your birthday, too? Floyd | Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x pen" | ||||
Floyd | It's a bright lavender tube, like the brand of gel-ink pen that Marty Floyd | used to use. There are some scratchings on the side that look like Floyd | letters, but from here you cannot read what it says. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "aside" | ||||
Floyd | It's interesting how your mind consistently malforms men who have Floyd | crushes on me. Colin has three tiny birthmarks on his cheek and you Floyd | call him "Splotchy Boy." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move stool to sprinkler" | ||||
Floyd | If you want to move the charming stool, possible places are to the DESK Floyd | (where the chair is), to the DOOR (where the stool is), to the CORNER Floyd | by the cactus, or to the BOOKCASE. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move stool to corner" | ||||
Floyd | The stool is now as close to the corner as it can get, considering that Floyd | the pot and cactus are in the way. Because the floor here is uneven Floyd | and the stool is flimsy, it's extremely wobbly. Please do not try to Floyd | stand on it. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. A pirate with a sword attacks a Floyd | zombie who protects himself with surprising agility for the recently Floyd | reanimated. Another pirate affixes a mast to the top of the van. Floyd | Still another hunches beside the van sticking a fake wooden leg over Floyd | his real leg. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "I think I need to stop entering commands, actually. I missed if there was a designated driver" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x pot" | ||||
Floyd | The pot is big and looks like pewter. We've both been baffled at how Floyd | heavy it is. I wonder if the business school professor had the cactus Floyd | specially repotted before he left just to make it more expensive for Floyd | Madison to dispose of. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "push pot" | ||||
Floyd | The pot is incredibly heavy and you cannot move it anywhere. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i think they said it was anyone jump in." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on stool" | ||||
Floyd | I wish you wouldn't, but, you climb on to the stool. You start Floyd | reaching up to the sprinkler but then you begin to lose your balance Floyd | and the stool tips over beneath you and you fall, hitting your head on Floyd | the edge of the pot. You are out cold. Floyd | Floyd | It's sad to think that perhaps our relationship would have been saved Floyd | if only you'd kept ample office supplies on hand. Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | *** Our relationship is over *** Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | We don't have to end this way. You can UNDO the last turn. You can Floyd | also RESTART or RESTORE a saved game. If you'd rather finish breaking Floyd | my heart, then by all means, QUIT. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "undo" | ||||
Floyd | Time travel makes me twitchy. Floyd | Floyd | [Previous turn undone.] Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "heh" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i couldn't figure out how to display different messages each time you undo except to have them selected randomly (that is, couldn't do in order)" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea asks, "no [cycling]?" | DavidW says, "I don't seem to be making much progress yet." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x creature" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Bert clears the save counter. | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x balloon" | ||||
Floyd | It's about 25 centimetres across, milky white rubber decorated with Floyd | purple ink swirls. A strange furry thing is inside, its three long Floyd | legs pressing against the sides. At the bottom of the balloon is a Floyd | bright yellow tab on which I've written "Pull me!" Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by a startled grunt from Historic Pfister. I do not Floyd | believe this is happening. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Bert says (to Floyd), "SAVE" | ||||
| Bert says (to Floyd), "cf1" | ||||
Floyd | Enter saved game to store: Ok. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "no, because it undoes the counter." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "pull yellow tab" | ||||
Floyd | You pull the tab and the balloon deflates with a pop and whoosh. You Floyd | hear me shout "Happy birthday!" and zestily toot a kazoo. Floyd | Floyd | What's left is a white rubber square with a message written on it. You Floyd | are also holding the three-legged furry thing, which you now realise is Floyd | an electronic device. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "hm" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "re: save. it's impossible to get violet in an unwinnable state (to my knowledge), other than ending the game." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x square" | ||||
Floyd | It's about 10 centimetres square and has a message handwritten in Floyd | purple on it. One corner is a double piece stitched over so that it is Floyd | like a tiny pouch. Floyd | Floyd | In the "pouch" is a small chip. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "you guys managed to lose!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read it" | ||||
Floyd | You stretch the rubber square so that you can read what I've written: Floyd | Floyd | Happy birthday! I know you wanted a boring ordinary music player, but Floyd | I got my brother to send the latest piece of consumer electronics Floyd | GENIUS from the kangaroo corridor. Floyd | Floyd | Behold: the platyPod! Why three headphones? The middle one attaches Floyd | by suction to your forehead for complete hands-free and display-free Floyd | control. Not to mention kick-[bother] extra bass. Why is it furry? Floyd | Don't ask me: Melbourne is in the throes of an epic fake-fur fad I Floyd | don't understand. But this is going to be a HUGE hit, and not just Floyd | among the armless blind. Floyd | Floyd | Charge it with your computer. Then SCRUNCH YOUR BROW to turn it on. Floyd | I've already put some bonus presents on it. Floyd | Floyd | You are my FAVOURITE! Floyd | Violet Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "Yeah, but last year, there were some 'terp problems that magically appeared just in time for Floyd to keep crashing while playing the Comp winner." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "So I figured better superstitious than sorry." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x device" | ||||
Floyd | It looks like a set of over-the-head headphones, except there is a Floyd | third one and it's covered with short, brown fur. There's a little Floyd | plug that allows it to connect to the USB port of a computer. Tiny Floyd | letters on the plug say "platyPod." Floyd | Floyd | Julia's stupid perfume again. Remember when she was all excited to Floyd | meet Lucy's brother after she heard he was a pheromone scientist? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "plug playpod to port" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "plug in platypod" | ||||
Floyd | I only understood you as far as wanting to plug the inside. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "plug platypod in port" | ||||
Floyd | You plug in the platyPod. It will beep when it is fully charged. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x chip" | ||||
Floyd | You can't get a good look at the chip while it's still in the pouch. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i never thought of PLUG PLATYPOD TO PORT." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take chip" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, chunky rabbit. Floyd | Floyd | (The rubber is really strong and stretchy for how thin it is, isn't it? Floyd | I got it from a company that makes weapons-grade slingshots.) Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. The zombies and pirates stop and Floyd | point toward the sky to the west. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Jacqueline arrives, ready to play with the toys. | Jacqueline says, "Sorry I'm late... just got in from a trip." | |||
| DavidW says, "hi, Jacqueline" | ||||
| maga arrives, ready to play with the toys. | olethros asks, "did you pardon any turkeys?" | |||
| DavidW says, "That slingshot hint sounds like the square is the way to get the pen." | ||||
| DavidW says, "hi maga" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x chip" | ||||
Floyd | It's like one of those chips in a musical greeting card, with a tiny Floyd | plum-coloured "V." painted on it. When you squeeze it you hear me Floyd | shout "Happy birthday!" and then a cheery kazoo toot. Floyd | Floyd | BEEP-BEEP-BEEP! The platyPod is fully charged. You retrieve it and Floyd | return to what you were doing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put chip in platypod" | ||||
Floyd | It's just a customised version of one of those chips that are in Floyd | musical greeting cards. You don't have to worry about trying to find Floyd | something to put it into. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "see, davidw gets the slingshot clue. someone on rock paper shotgun said that puzzle was impossible." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "yes I remember the clue as well" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "squeeze chip" | ||||
Floyd | You hear me shouting "Happy birthday!" followed by a cheery kazoo toot. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Historic Pfister making noises perhaps best Floyd | characterised as mewling. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] maga says, "davidw is kind of l33t as puzzles go" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "wear platypod" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Jacqueline says (to maga), "'Kind of?'" | ||||
Floyd | The platyPod fits nicely in your ears and against your forehead. It is Floyd | switched off. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "turn it on" | ||||
Floyd | There's no switch of any kind of the platyPod. It's completely Floyd | hands-free! (That is, once it's on your head.) Floyd | Floyd | The rubber square has instructions for how to turn on the platyPod. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] K-Y says, "I distinctly remembered cue #1 when cue #2 popped up" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i don't know these strange combinations of letters and numbers hip people use." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] olethros says, "I was somewhat stymied about what was the object i was supposed to throw at it though" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "scrunch brow" | ||||
Floyd | My voice: "Look, it even lets you record a start-up message! How the Floyd | platyPod works: You cycle through the different playlists by RAISING Floyd | your left or right eyebrow. NOD to skip to the next track. JIGGLE Floyd | your head clockwise to turn the volume up, and jiggle it anticlockwise Floyd | to turn it down." Floyd | Floyd | The platyPod turns on. A mechanical Aussie voice announces, "Now Floyd | playing 'MC Dingo: Straight Outta Down Under'" You groan, because you Floyd | are like every other parochial American who refuses to give Australian Floyd | hip-hop a proper chance. Floyd | Floyd | The volume is low. You can still sometimes hear Julia and Historic Floyd | Pfister across the hall. Floyd | Floyd | You tug your hair anguishedly and say out loud, "The pen is emblematic Floyd | of what a [bother]-up I am." Please, chocolate crackle. It's just a Floyd | pen. Don't start down one of your spirals about it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] K-Y says, "but I blanked on the syntax" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Bert says, "YM 'h1p'. HTH." | Jacqueline asks, "No such hands-free device exists, right?" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "the syntax was hard for that. it accepts anything anyone in beta tried, i think." | Jacqueline asks, "Even without the silly name?" | |||
| Lucea says, "I'm not sure how it'd pick up raising an eyebrow" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "raise right eyebrow" | ||||
Floyd | A mechanical Aussie voice announces, "Now playing Professor Detective: Floyd | The Novel." Floyd | Floyd | > | olethros says, "I don't see how it could not" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Professor Detective explains to Undergraduate Constable Duffy that a Floyd | murderer who escapes justice will invariably kill again, and the same Floyd | logic applies to plagiarists. Floyd | Floyd | > | Jacqueline says (to Lucea), "Well, and it would all be complicated by the fact that not very many people (I would suppose) can raise one eyebrow independent of the other." | |||
| Lucea asks, "what of people who can't raise only one?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Professor Detective is doing a crossword during a faculty meeting when Floyd | suddenly the lights go out and a woman screams. Floyd | Floyd | > | Lucea says, "Timing." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | The Confounder has Professor Detective tied up in his secret hideout Floyd | next to the cyclotron. The Confounder cackles and taunts, "Let's see Floyd | if tenure will save you now." Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW asks, "What were we supposed to be writing again?" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Professor Detective follows a shadowy figure into one of the steam Floyd | tunnels underneath the engineering building. Floyd | Floyd | > | olethros says, "I think that a device with programmable grimacing would be quite practical" | |||
| olethros says (to davidw), "just stuff" | ||||
| Lucea says, "Dissertation." | ||||
| olethros asks, "thesis?" | ||||
| maga says, "I think a lot of people want to see a Professor Detective game" | ||||
| Lucea says, "er, iirc" | ||||
| Jacqueline says (to DW), "Man, you're really getting into the game!" | ||||
| olethros asks, "detects your profession?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to maga), "I think so too" | ||||
| Jacqueline says, "You're as distracted as the PC." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Professor Detective understands that every second counts when you are Floyd | trying to foil a plot to destroy the world, but these are his office Floyd | hours. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod\" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Professor Detective sighs and clarifies to Undergraduate Constable Floyd | Duffy that, no, what he is explaining about the muddy footprint will Floyd | not be on the test. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "ha ha" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "raise right eyebrow" | ||||
Floyd | A mechanical Oz voice announces, "Now playing Primrose Meanwell." She's Floyd | the friend from uni I was telling you about. Absolutely the shyest Floyd | person--then last week I get an e-mail announcing she's recorded an Floyd | album! Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Julia saying, "Wait, if today is the 24th, and Floyd | you are 24, that makes this your golden birthday." Well, then. Floyd | Floyd | > | Jacqueline says, "heehee" | |||
| Lucea says, "I would absolutely listen to this, by the way." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Primrose sings about how she likes to write in her journal. Floyd | Floyd | > | Jacqueline steps away to take a much-needed post-travel relaxing and headache-reducing bath. | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Primrose sings about how she has a special purple pen that she uses Floyd | when she writes about boys. I'm not sure I've ever heard a lead singer Floyd | whose voice is so inconspicuous. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "raise right eyebrow" | ||||
Floyd | A mechanical Oz voice announces, "Now playing Warren Tim Harried: Floyd | Greatest Hits" (Hooray! Our favourite!) Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. Holy [bother]. Somebody built a Floyd | dirigible for this. The outside appears to be covered in aluminium Floyd | foil, so it's good it just missed the power lines as it descends into Floyd | the park. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "nod" | ||||
Floyd | Warren Tim Harried is playing "Please Don't (My Grandma Gave Me That)" Floyd | from Runt with an Accordion, recorded when he was fourteen years old. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "jiggle head clockwise" | ||||
Floyd | You move your head in cute little clockwise circles. The volume is now Floyd | so loud that you cannot hear Julia and Historic Pfister at all. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "load square" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "i" | ||||
Floyd | You're carrying a small chip, a rubber square, a bit of lilac thread, a Floyd | lighter, an empty plastic bottle, a notebook and a shiny little key, Floyd | and you're wearing the platyPod. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Someday They'll Go Too Far," which became a hit on Floyd | local pirate radio stations after being discovered by school Floyd | authorities and played on the evening news. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot key at pen" | ||||
Floyd | Hmm. While I didn't have this in mind when I made it, the rubber Floyd | square could be used like a slingshot if you put a suitable object in Floyd | the little pouch. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in square" | ||||
Floyd | That isn't a container, spicy biscuit. Unless I'm misunderstanding Floyd | what you are trying to do. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | As strong and stretchy as the rubber is, you basically have a slingshot Floyd | now that something is in the pouch. You could SHOOT SOMETHING. If I'm Floyd | going to patent this, I should think about whether this unanticipated Floyd | functionality exposes me to any legal risk. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "No Normal Boy Would Write That Song," recorded Floyd | during a weekend furlough from a private psychiatric facility for Floyd | troubled adolescent boys. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW shoots the harmful Gene Ray at pen, whose lips turn into bulbous green sacs of air. | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "it should understand PUT X IN SQUARE as PUT X IN POUCH." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot pen" | ||||
Floyd | The key isn't going to work. It gets half-stuck coming out of the Floyd | pouch and then just flutters to the floor. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take pen" | ||||
Floyd | You can't reach it. The sprinkler is more than three metres off the Floyd | floor. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take key" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, banana squizzle. Floyd | Floyd | You have got to get over Julia's perfume. I am being indulgent with Floyd | you here. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put chip in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You put the small chip into the rubber square's "pouch". Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot pen" | ||||
Floyd | The chip isn't really a good shape for this. It flies in a odd arc and Floyd | misses several feet to the right. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take chip" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, toaster strudel. Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. The zombies and pirates have Floyd | regained their composure and are lurching and marauding (respectively) Floyd | toward the landed aircraft. The hatch at the bottom opens with strange Floyd | green smoke billowing out. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put lighter in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | The lighter is a bit too long to fit in the pouch. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "i" | ||||
Floyd | You're carrying a small chip, a shiny little key, a rubber square, a Floyd | bit of lilac thread, a lighter, an empty plastic bottle and a notebook, Floyd | and you're wearing the platyPod. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x bottle" | ||||
Floyd | The only part of the label in English says "Divine Soda Mega Energy." Floyd | The bottle is empty. Floyd | Floyd | You look up at the ceiling. "Colin wouldn't have forgotten his bag." Floyd | you say ruefully. "Colin would never be without a pen." Please, Floyd | mintchip. This is not a helpful line of thinking. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take quill" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take thorn" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x cactus" | ||||
Floyd | Supposedly the cactus belonged to a business school professor who left Floyd | Madison for another university in a snit. An accidental transposition Floyd | of numbers on a form caused it to be moved in here instead of Floyd | University Botanical Disposal, and your department won't pay to move it Floyd | again so it's been here for years. Floyd | Floyd | Obtrusive, sure, but at least it hides that ugly pipe leading up to the Floyd | sprinkler on your wall. Plus plants are cheery. I'm glad the pot is Floyd | too heavy for you to be able to move it yourself. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x pipe" | ||||
Floyd | The garish chrome pipe was obviously added sometime after the building Floyd | was built, in response to some amendment to the fire code. It is flush Floyd | against the wall and runs all the way up to a sprinkler that is only a Floyd | few inches from the ceiling. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x tag" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "l" | ||||
Floyd | There was a professor at uni in Melbourne who was sacked for living in Floyd | an office smaller than this. He had a few kangaroos loose in the top Floyd | paddock, as my mum would say. Floyd | Floyd | You've a big desk in front of a window, a gorgeous yellow chair, a Floyd | cabinet in one corner, a giant cactus in another, and a tall bookcase Floyd | on the back wall with an incredibly cute stool. The door is west. Floyd | Floyd | On the desk are your computer, my itinerary, a cleverly framed picture Floyd | and a pile you cannot even contemplate. A fabulously intricate origami Floyd | trophy sits on top of the cabinet. The bookcase contains a book and a Floyd | smartly-done snowglobe. A wastebasket is on the floor. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "My Lonesome Pain is Not A Polka" from We Paid You Floyd | For Happy, the artistic breakthrough composed while he supported Floyd | himself with gigs at family reunions and retirement centres. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look in wastebasket" | ||||
Floyd | It's the standard issue University Dreary--sullen cousin of University Floyd | Drab--metal wastebasket. Floyd | Floyd | A wad of gum is stuck to the wastebasket's rim. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take gum" | ||||
Floyd | You pull the gum off the wastebasket's rim. Ick. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "roll gum" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You put the piece of Two Bob Slobber bubble gum into the rubber Floyd | square's "pouch". Floyd | Floyd | You're looking out the window again. Two aliens step through the Floyd | hatch, green skin and giant foreheads. Eight other aliens jump out of Floyd | the bushes and start attacking the pirates and zombies with these Floyd | silver sticks that have a chartreuse coil wrapped around them. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot pen" | ||||
Floyd | The gum is maybe not quite dense enough to work. It flies in a looping Floyd | arc and hits the ceiling several inches from the sprinkler without much Floyd | velocity. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take gum" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, crunchie. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look under desk" | ||||
Floyd | Underneath your desk you see the amethyst-encrusted Sword Of Floyd | Dissertator Melancholia. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing from Drumsticks, the bootleg album recorded during a Floyd | performance at a family fried chicken restaurant. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x sword" | ||||
Floyd | Wallaroo. I was just kidding about there being a hitherto unnoticed Floyd | "Sword Of Dissertator Melancholia" under your desk. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x sword" | ||||
Floyd | Don't belabour the joke. There is no sword here. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "haha" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "xyzzy" | ||||
Floyd | That time on the sixth floor of the library: Floyd | "Violet, that was-- that was--" Floyd | "Magical?" Floyd | "How did you do that?" Floyd | "Any sufficiently awesome girlfriend is indistinguishable from magic." Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "very nice" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move wastebasket" | ||||
Floyd | Moving the wastebasket around your office isn't going to accomplish Floyd | anything, cheese nip. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "You With the Notepad," the stunning and entirely Floyd | improvised final track done without once breaking eye contact with a Floyd | woman later identified as Francine Kinkle, music editor for a local Floyd | college newspaper. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "disassemble frame" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x frame" | ||||
Floyd | As I said, I took the concert flier from our first "date" and made it Floyd | into a hard plastic laminate--you know, like a Shrinky Dink. I made a Floyd | clear plastic sheet the same size to go over the front of the Floyd | photograph. Then I fused a sturdy binder clip to the two pieces to Floyd | hold everything in place. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x clip" | ||||
Floyd | I've fused the binder clip to the rest of the frame. You can't do Floyd | anything to it without breaking the frame, which, it goes without Floyd | saying, has considerable sentimental value for us both. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "DISASSEMBLE FRAME, never thought of that for BREAK." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "well, he doesn't want to break it" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look in trophy" | ||||
Floyd | It's exactly the same shape as the trophy they give to the winner of Floyd | Sydney's Marathon. Bright fuchsia lines curl in and out of the folds. Floyd | Floyd | I am going to be so angry if you're hiding a story about Julia doing Floyd | some kind of Pavlovian conditioning experiments on you with the perfume Floyd | when the two of you dated.* Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "aside" | ||||
Floyd | Don't even try to act like that's implausible. Julia is so twisted. Floyd | This is the woman who once asked if she could put on an album of Floyd | recorded 911 calls while the two of you were intimate. (And you Floyd | continued dating her afterwards! Unbelievable!) Floyd | Floyd | > | Lucea asks, "Julia listens to Lisa Germano?" | |||
| olethros says, "oh btw" | ||||
| olethros says (to Floyd), "who is julia" | ||||
Floyd | Oh, you know. You know intimately. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "unfold trophy" | ||||
Floyd | You take the trophy I made for you and methodically unfold it. I Floyd | cannot decide whether to be exasperated or moved by how you are so Floyd | careful not to tear it. You're now holding a crumply sign, about a Floyd | metre square. Floyd | Floyd | Ugh. I was so excited to give you that trophy. I realise you are Floyd | desperate because you don't want me to leave. You can do this. I am Floyd | cheering for you. Floyd | Floyd | > | olethros says, "hee" | |||
| inky says, "ha ha" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x sign" | ||||
Floyd | It's all crumply now. The bright fuchsia letters say: Floyd | Floyd | You are my Floyd | FAVOURITE! Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "cover window with sign" | ||||
Floyd | (putting the crumply sign on the sill) Floyd | You put the sign on the sill. The sign and the blind together now Floyd | block the view out your window entirely. Floyd | Floyd | > | olethros asks, "did we get the message about being sleepy yet?" | |||
| inky says, "we got over being sleepy already" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "yay! one of the four major puzzles down." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "throw rubber at pen" | ||||
Floyd | It's too flappy. It ends up just fluttering to the floor. Floyd | Floyd | You look up at the ceiling again. "Colin finished his Ph.D. Colin has Floyd | a job at Yale." Colin is not germane to your current predicament. Floyd | It's just a pen. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take rubber" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, teacake. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x floor" | ||||
Floyd | It's drab and would look much better if we found a rug that matched the Floyd | chair. (I'm not sure why I am so preoccupied with your office decor Floyd | when what I want is for you to finish so we can get out of Madison.) Floyd | Floyd | The floor slopes alarmingly downward over in the corner by the cactus, Floyd | like that whole part of the room may be about to collapse. Floyd | Floyd | On your floor is a wastebasket. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "teacake was precious blueberry teacake and then i decided that was too much." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x walls" | ||||
Floyd | Remember how Marty hung a couple of his paintings when this was his Floyd | office? I wish you'd put up at least a couple posters. Your walls are Floyd | so dreary and bare. Not anything to worry about today, of course. Floyd | Floyd | The lightswitch is on the wall by the door. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x lightswitch" | ||||
Floyd | It's just an ordinary lightswitch. The light is on. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing the title track from Francine. (Actually, all 37 Floyd | songs on the album are officially titled "Francine.") Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x light" | ||||
Floyd | It's a long, unadorned fluorescent bulb, like there is in all the other Floyd | graduate student offices in the building. I am so glad I bought the Floyd | happy light for my studio. There is no way I would get work done Floyd | during the winter in Madison without it. I'm so glad it's finally Floyd | spring. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x chair" | ||||
Floyd | It was just some dreary old office chair that they dragged up from the Floyd | basement for you, but then I came up one weekend with this amazing Floyd | yellow veloury-pleatherish fabric and upholstered it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x fabric" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "search chair" | ||||
Floyd | There is nothing on your yellow chair. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i didn't realize X LIGHT had two sentences starting with 'I'm so glad' in it. ugh." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, marshmallow twimble. I still can't believe I stayed up two Floyd | nights straight making it. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing the song unofficially titled "Parking Garage," Floyd | following the convention of identifying tracks on Francine by the Floyd | location of the tryst the liner notes say inspired them. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x it" | ||||
Floyd | It's a glass globe with a plain wooden bottom. Inside is a happy Floyd | winter scene, with a paunchy, smiling figurine in a white outfit and Floyd | snow up to his ankles. His hands look like they are covered with Floyd | chocolate. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "shake the snowglobe! shake it!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break it" | ||||
Floyd | But, you said you thought it was brilliant. Why would you want to Floyd | break it? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break it" | ||||
Floyd | But, you said you thought it was brilliant. Why would you want to Floyd | break it? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x base" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "turn over snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "see, this maybe i should change and let him break it." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shake it" | ||||
Floyd | You shake the globe vigorously. The snow starts swirling around the Floyd | globe, turning pink and then red. Floyd | Floyd | Remember? Watching television at midnight: Floyd | "The Saskatoon Strangler. He killed six people before being arrested Floyd | by the mounties in 1986." Floyd | "A documentary about a serial killer at bedtime?" Floyd | "Only six people, Violet. Plus, he worked as a confectioner!" Floyd | "If I can't sleep, you can't complain about the noise when I start Floyd | working on something." Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Booth Seven at Steak'n'Shake," the track on Francine Floyd | that got him tour dates opening for ironic death metal icon Jimmy Floyd | Catkicker. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "I think so" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "yeah, i think that's better than making the person find the tater tot first." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | The snow is now a blood red blizzard roiling around the figurine in the Floyd | middle, whose eyes now gleam sinister and whose hands now look like Floyd | they are covered in blood instead of chocolate. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shake snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | The snow becomes a beautiful blood red. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put snowglobe in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | The snowglobe is too big to fit in the pouch. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i didn't realize the tater tot was going to not be immediately found by people." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x bottom shelf" | ||||
Floyd | You see nothing special about the bottom shelf. Floyd | Floyd | You're distracted by Julia's perfume again. I'm sure she sprayed on a Floyd | second gallon this morning just to sidetrack you. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x top shelf" | ||||
Floyd | You see nothing special about the top shelf. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x middle shelf" | ||||
Floyd | You see nothing special about the middle shelf. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x book" | ||||
Floyd | Sure, the book looks like something you'd find interesting. I'm not Floyd | going to describe its contents any further, though, as I don't want to Floyd | risk enticing you to start reading it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open book" | ||||
Floyd | I can see why the book is relevant to your dissertation, but it isn't Floyd | what you are building it up in your mind as being. And you know that Floyd | you don't really need to read it in order to start writing. Floyd | Floyd | You look once more to the ceiling. "Colin is never without office Floyd | supplies. Colin never mispronounces 'Aussie' like it rhymes with Floyd | 'bossy'." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x eraser" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x paper clip" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x pile" | ||||
Floyd | It's detritus from teaching, a couple unfinished side projects, and the Floyd | earlier dissertation topic that you asked We Never Speak Of Again. Floyd | It's been accumulating and now makes you feel too overwhelmed even to Floyd | contemplate. Floyd | Floyd | Except today, when you absolutely must write, you are feeling an Floyd | overwhelming urge to tidy it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "search pile" | ||||
Floyd | What you really feel compelled to do with the pile is tidy it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "tidy pile" | ||||
Floyd | You pick up one thing, then put it back down. You pick up another then Floyd | put that down. You start thinking that what you really need is Floyd | comprehensive office-straightening solution. You're thinking about Floyd | making a diagram, maybe a spreadsheet. Floyd | Floyd | STOP. This is not what you should be doing today. Floyd | Floyd | Out of the pile, however, you do pick up a potato gem. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x gem" | ||||
Floyd | (I always forget they aren't called potato gems here. Just like I can Floyd | never remember that it's "cotton candy" instead of "fairy floss.") Floyd | Floyd | I think you brought tater tots for your lunch a fortnight ago. I hope Floyd | it's not older than that. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing from his follow-up album to Francine, which was also Floyd | titled Francine. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gem in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You put the tater tot into the rubber square's "pouch". Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot pen" | ||||
Floyd | You're a very good shot. I guess you were serious about that spooky Floyd | bowhunting uncle. The tater tot misses the pen by less than half an Floyd | inch and hits the wall, where it shatters. Floyd | Floyd | I think you've the right idea, though. One more shot and I bet you'll Floyd | hit it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x gem" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "see, now he can break the globe, but he might be misled into thinking he can't." | DavidW asks, "waa. We need more ammo?" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "tidy pile" | ||||
Floyd | After the earlier try, you've realised that tidying the mess is not a Floyd | good use of your time today. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x desk" | ||||
Floyd | It's an enviable desk, even if someone did die on it. On top are your Floyd | computer, my itinerary, a cleverly framed picture and a pile you cannot Floyd | even contemplate. Floyd | Floyd | The desk's drawer is empty. A wastebasket is on the floor to the left. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing excerpts from "Why?," originally an eighty-three Floyd | minute song in which he stops playing once to cry and twice to leave Floyd | voicemails for Francine. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "yeah, uh, there's a thing you can do now you couldn't do before" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "watching a live play of one's game is even more interesting than reading a beta transcript." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "maybe a daemon-message type thing? (yeah, I7 doesn't have daemons, I still call them that)" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "yeah, the time makes a difference" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | Within three minutes you've taken the cable out of the cabinet and are Floyd | watching a video of a dog dressed as a ballerina. Oh, plucky wombat. Floyd | If you can't be disciplined, then you'll have to be clever. Floyd | Floyd | You do unplug the cable again and lock it back in the cabinet. Now, Floyd | what to do with the key? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "undo" | ||||
Floyd | I'm doing jazz hands right now. Floyd | Floyd | [Previous turn undone.] Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple asks, "what's a daemon message?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "It's like the every-turn rules, or the "at the time _____ happens" rules, kind of" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You put the shiny little key into the rubber square's "pouch". Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot pen" | ||||
Floyd | The key isn't going to work. It gets half-stuck coming out of the Floyd | pouch and then just flutters to the floor. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take key" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, plucky wombat. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You put the piece of Two Bob Slobber bubble gum into the rubber Floyd | square's "pouch". Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "It's Because He Plays Guitar, Isn't it?" Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "so maybe "you get a clue about really wanting to break things all of a sudden five turns from now" except maybe not so obvious." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot pen" | ||||
Floyd | The gum is maybe not quite dense enough to work. It flies in a looping Floyd | arc and hits the ceiling several inches from the sprinkler without much Floyd | velocity. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take gum" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, honeytoast. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on key" | ||||
Floyd | Clever, wonkabar. Unfortunately, the gum's not that sticky. You'd Floyd | just peel it off again. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "chew gum" | ||||
Floyd | When I made you try it before, you said that it tastes sort of like Floyd | American bubble gum, only if one added soy sauce, pieces of pickled Floyd | meat, and a bit of blood. Floyd | Floyd | And add to that now a strong mildew taste. Yuck. You gag and spit the Floyd | gum back out. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on key" | ||||
Floyd | Unfortunately, the gum's not that sticky. You'd just peel it off Floyd | again. Floyd | Floyd | Don't think you can stealthy-sniff and I won't notice. You need to get Floyd | over that perfume. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum in nose" | ||||
Floyd | You wouldn't be able to concentrate with the mildewy meat-gum smell. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "close nose" | ||||
Floyd | That might block out Julia's maddening perfume for a few moments, but Floyd | you can't hold your nose all afternoon. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break frame" | ||||
Floyd | You try to break the frame gently. I fused the binder clip well, Floyd | however, so you end up having to pull and twist to get it apart. When Floyd | you do, the front and back each break into several pieces, and so what Floyd | is now on the desk along with the binder clip and photograph are some Floyd | pitiful little plastic shards. Floyd | Floyd | Obviously I won't be able to repair it. Floyd | Floyd | I loved that frame. I'm not sure what you are expecting me to say. Floyd | Hooray? Floyd | Floyd | Remember when I handed you the itinerary last night? Your response: Floyd | "So I have tomorrow. What do I need to do?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take clip" | ||||
Floyd | Floyd | "Please," I told you, "I don't want yet another promise." Floyd | "I will write tomorrow. I will write every day until it is done." Floyd | "You won't. You'll have reasons, excuses. Maybe more lies. I can't Floyd | believe you've been lying--" Floyd | "Violet, I will write one thousand words tomorrow. I will bring the Floyd | pages to you as proof. I will do this every day." Floyd | | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put clip in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | Then I covered my face with my hands because otherwise I wouldn't have Floyd | been able to say it: Floyd | "You won't. I know you believe that you will. But you won't actually Floyd | do it." Floyd | "Of course I will, Violet. I have to." Floyd | "And yet you won't. That's how we're stuck. I can't keep waiting and Floyd | pretending. Every day? Budgie, you won't even do it tomorrow." Floyd | "I will. One thousand words. Nothing will stop me." Floyd | Floyd | I need for you to write today. I wish you could just sit and type. I Floyd | realise you can't. Of course it hurts to watch you destroy things I Floyd | spent days making for you. But do whatever you must. I don't want to Floyd | leave you. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "yay! second puzzle almost done. (except, it's not clear it's a cutscene, is it?)" | ||||
| K-Y pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | Just because you are imagining me doesn't mean I'm a mindreader. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put clip in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You need to be holding the binder clip before you can put it into Floyd | something else. Floyd | Floyd | You start doing your Colin imitation. "Why, Violet, as I was reading Floyd | the proofs of my second book last night, I started thinking about that Floyd | boyfriend of yours. How is he? Still fussing about not having a pen?" Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take clip" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, jellysquish. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put clip in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You put the binder clip into the rubber square's "pouch". Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put clip on nose" | ||||
Floyd | (first taking the binder clip) Floyd | You've put the binder clip on your nose. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x frame" | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "smell" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > Floyd | You can't smell anything now that you've a binder clip on your nose, so Floyd | you're liberated from Julia's perfume ruining your concentration. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | Within three minutes you've taken the cable out of the cabinet and are Floyd | watching a video of a dog dressed as a ballerina. Oh, chutney. If you Floyd | can't be disciplined, then you'll have to be clever. Floyd | Floyd | You do unplug the cable again and lock it back in the cabinet. Now, Floyd | what to do with the key? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "undo" | ||||
Floyd | Careful! You know how you get nosebleeds. Floyd | Floyd | [Previous turn undone.] Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| vimes arrives, ready to play with the toys. | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "SAVE" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "cf2" | ||||
Floyd | Enter saved game to store: Ok. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x photo" | ||||
Floyd | I've already described the photograph of me with the giant foam lobster Floyd | on my head. I am definitely worth a thousand words. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing from Listen, one of the few known albums in which a Floyd | single artist plays guitar and accordion simultaneously. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "l" | ||||
Floyd | I'm surprised you don't have any pictures from home up, but I can be Floyd | especially sentimental since home for me involves crossing both the Floyd | equator and International Date Line. Floyd | Floyd | You've a great big desk in front of a window, a resplendent yellow Floyd | chair, a cabinet in one corner, a giant cactus in another, and a tall Floyd | bookcase on the back wall with an incredibly cute stool. The door is Floyd | west. Floyd | Floyd | On the desk are some pitiful little plastic shards, a photograph, your Floyd | computer, my itinerary and a pile you cannot even contemplate. The Floyd | bookcase holds a book. A wastebasket is on the floor. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x shards" | ||||
Floyd | The red and black plastic shards were once part of a frame I lovingly Floyd | made for you, and before that they were part of a poster from the Floyd | concert we attended on our first date. Now they are useless. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on shards" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the pitiful little plastic shards would achieve Floyd | nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on thread" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the bit of lilac thread would achieve nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "tie thread to key" | ||||
Floyd | In Melbourne we had to be able to tie ten different kinds of knots in Floyd | order to graduate from secondary school. I'm not sure what would be Floyd | accomplished by trying to tie the thread to the shiny little key, Floyd | though. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Can Jimmy Do This?," which one music critic called Floyd | "the most ambitious guitar solo ever by someone who had been playing Floyd | the instrument for less than a week." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x itinerary" | ||||
Floyd | A printout of an airline receipt for a certain Ms. Violet C., for a Floyd | flight from Madison to Chicago to Los Angeles to Auckland to Melbourne. Floyd | One-way, refundable. Departing early tomorrow morning. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read it" | ||||
Floyd | A printout of an airline receipt for a certain Ms. Violet C., for a Floyd | flight from Madison to Chicago to Los Angeles to Auckland to Melbourne. Floyd | One-way, refundable. Departing early tomorrow morning. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read notebook" | ||||
Floyd | This page has two drawings of your advisor. On the left she looks Floyd | enthusiastic; on the right, worried and disappointed. The speech Floyd | balloon on the left says "Think big! I've never had a student with so Floyd | much potential!" The balloon on the right says, "THE BEST DISSERTATION Floyd | IS A DONE DISSERTATION." Floyd | Floyd | Your advisor is nutty anyway. I'm still angry about the time she made Floyd | you catsit. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "violet's last name is crumple, btw. violet crumble is an australian candy bar." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key under door" | ||||
Floyd | You slide the key under the door. It feels good to be rid of it. Floyd | Floyd | A few moments later you hear a noise and look down to see the key Floyd | skidding back under your door. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take key" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, rockmelon. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "An Inch Too Tall" from Not Exactly Fair To Them, Floyd | recorded during the extended tour that followed Listen. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break key" | ||||
Floyd | It's a spunky little key. You can't break it. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW asks, "Am I the only one playing?" | |||
| [cfspoilers] McMartin says, "It's not restricted to Australia by any means. I see it here in the States all the time." | Lucea says, "entering in commands, yeah" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "it's the shatter that matters." | Lucea says, "I don't know if that's how it was in the beginning; I showed up late" | |||
| DavidW asks, "any ideas what the 2nd ammo might be? Or how to ditch the key?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x pile" | ||||
Floyd | The pile is such a reminder of the problems you've had being scattered Floyd | that you cannot even contemplate it without feeling defeated. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "contemplate pile" | ||||
Floyd | You can't without becoming a puddle. This is what I'm saying. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x computer" | ||||
Floyd | The PC is old but fine. Applications include a word processor, Floyd | browser, chat, and e-mail. Floyd | Floyd | Your computer is disconnected from the Internet. Floyd | Floyd | > | Lucea says, "heh, that does work" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | It's bolted to the wall. Floyd | Floyd | You look up. "Colin would never--" ENOUGH. Colin has no relevance to Floyd | this whatsoever. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "he never opened any of the applications on the computer. alas." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x desk" | ||||
Floyd | It's an excellent desk, even if someone did keel over on it. On top Floyd | are some pitiful little plastic shards, a photograph, your computer, my Floyd | itinerary and a pile you cannot even contemplate. Floyd | Floyd | The desk's drawer is empty. A wastebasket is on the floor to the left. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take drawer" | ||||
Floyd | That seems to be a part of your desk. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x knob" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x mouse" | ||||
Floyd | Frankly, chutney, you're in so much trouble if you break your computer Floyd | that I'm not sure I want you mucking about with the peripherals. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW asks, "so much for using the mouseball at ammo, eh?" | |||
| [cfspoilers] vimes asks, "Did you indeed add some comp games?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "wait. Comp games are offline." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "The protagonist is doomed." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "no, i was tempted, but things like the ngah angah would have had hard syntax." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x tot" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "search shards" | ||||
Floyd | The red and black plastic shards were once part of a frame I lovingly Floyd | made for you, and before that they were part of a poster from the Floyd | concert we attended on our first date. Now they are useless. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i had ideas for a julia-related lucuburator joke." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take shards" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, marble munch. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Hedge Clippers" from This Is What You Drove Me To, Floyd | Mrs. Kinkle-Catkicker. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "lick gum" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "chew gum" | ||||
Floyd | No way are you putting that back in your mouth. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x gum" | ||||
Floyd | It's a slightly wet pink blob with little specks of brown. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "squeeze gum" | ||||
Floyd | You achieve nothing by this. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "davidw keeps trying to lick things." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on key" | ||||
Floyd | Unfortunately, the gum's not that sticky. You'd just peel it off Floyd | again. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "i" | ||||
Floyd | You're carrying some pitiful little plastic shards, a shiny little key, Floyd | a pink sticky blob of bubble gum, a deftly-crafted snowglobe, a rubber Floyd | square, a small chip, a bit of lilac thread, a lighter, an empty Floyd | plastic bottle and a notebook, and you're wearing the platyPod. Floyd | Floyd | You also have a binder clip on your nose. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Bagel Slicer," in which his playing is spirited but Floyd | clearly far below his usual skills. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i think he's forgotten about the stool." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | Of course you can't open the snowglobe. I sealed it with industrial Floyd | glue. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "break it! break it!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on chip" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the small chip would achieve nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "ugh. that was definitely a design failure on my part." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x platypod" | ||||
Floyd | Presumably it looks like a three-legged space creature is attacking Floyd | your head. Comfy, though. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x lighter" | ||||
Floyd | The lighter is promoting some race car driver whose car is #67. Our Floyd | Number. Floyd | Floyd | I was tipsy at a party and you were one of four random dudes trying to Floyd | talk to me at once. I interrupted to tell my favourite joke. "Why is Floyd | six afraid of seven?" Floyd | "Because seven eight--" Floyd | "No!" I shouted, "Because seven [the sickest thing I could come up with Floyd | at the moment] nine." Floyd | Floyd | The other men chuckled uncomfortably. You laughed so hard you spit Floyd | Guinness on my face. That was when I decided I liked you. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open lighter" | ||||
Floyd | That's not something you can open. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Teeth," in which obviously substandard musicianship Floyd | is accompanied by complaints about the difficulty playing with only one Floyd | finger. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "hm. The only reason I can see the lighter used for is to start a fire to make the sprinkler turn on." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "pull pot" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what the purpose of doing that would be. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "push pot" | ||||
Floyd | The pot is incredibly heavy and you cannot move it anywhere. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "dig pot" | ||||
Floyd | This is perhaps not the best day to evince a new interest in gardening. Floyd | Floyd | > | vimes says, "#tangent >POL POT" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x cabinet" | ||||
Floyd | It's University Drab, about a metre high with a silly fake wood front. Floyd | It's closed and locked. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x front" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open door" | ||||
Floyd | You are going to open the door while your ex-girlfriend is hooking up Floyd | with someone right across the hall? And then what? Do you really Floyd | think that whatever happens is going to be something where you'll be Floyd | able to write afterwards? You need to stay here and focus. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "turn off light" | ||||
Floyd | Done. The room is much dimmer, with most of the light coming from the Floyd | computer. Floyd | Floyd | You pause for a moment. Your shoulders slump. You say "Colin--," then Floyd | stop. You're thinking about the pen again, aren't you? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "l" | ||||
Floyd | Here in your office, you have a huge desk, a gorgeous yellow chair, a Floyd | cabinet, a giant cactus, a tall bookcase, and an incredibly cute stool. Floyd | Floyd | On the desk are a photograph, your computer, my itinerary and a pile Floyd | you cannot even contemplate. The bookcase contains a book. A Floyd | wastebasket is on the floor. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "stool! stool!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "turn on light" | ||||
Floyd | Fine. That's better than having the light only coming from the Floyd | computer. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | This is how office furniture at Wisconsin works: the bookcase is bolted Floyd | to the wall, and yet the shelves are so rickety that I'm sure if you Floyd | try to climb the bookcase, one of them will collapse and you'll sprain Floyd | something. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "he's so close! stool! stool!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move stool to bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | The stool is now back in its intended location by the bookcase. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on stool" | ||||
Floyd | The stool creaks once again as you climb onto it. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "So I Lied (Pathetic, I Know)," from the compilation Floyd | of songs he mailed to his manager at erratic intervals from different Floyd | locations in the rural West. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | I think it was smart of you to take away your books, although of course Floyd | now the bookcase does look dreary. Floyd | Floyd | On the second shelf is a book. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x whatever" | ||||
Floyd | (first getting off the stool) Floyd | It's broken now. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x blind" | ||||
Floyd | As I've already said, I wish the blind was more colourful. I also wish Floyd | it wasn't stuck halfway down the window. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x sill" | ||||
Floyd | The sill is behind and slightly below the desk. It's painted white. Floyd | Floyd | On the sill is a crumply sign. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple wills davidw to get back on the stool. | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "roll gum" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "mold gum" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "reshape gum" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "any ideas? I'm kinda floundering." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "search pipe" | ||||
Floyd | The garish chrome pipe was obviously added sometime after the building Floyd | was built, in response to some amendment to the fire code. It is flush Floyd | against the wall and runs all the way up to a sprinkler that is only a Floyd | few inches from the ceiling. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Your Cult Sounds Pretty Cool," his last known Floyd | recording. Floyd | Floyd | > | vimes asks, "What's the current distraction?" | |||
| DavidW says, "The pen, I guess." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "no! it's the internet!" | DavidW says, "I shot at it with the potato gem, but the gem shattered and I need something else." | |||
| DavidW says, "I also need to ditch the key." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open window" | ||||
Floyd | For a graduate student like yourself, having an office with a window Floyd | and a great view is almost too much to hope for. A window that Floyd | actually opens is, in fact, too much to hope for. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "keyhole" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x keyhole" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Nitku asks, "Is there a command that would tell what the current distraction is?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "eat key" | ||||
Floyd | Not to suggest you're wimpy, but I could swallow that key if I had to. Floyd | I don't know if you are too squeamish or what. You gag wildly and Floyd | cough up the key almost immediately. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on key" | ||||
Floyd | Unfortunately, the gum's not that sticky. You'd just peel it off Floyd | again. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "WRITE" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] vimes says, "'write'" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "eat key" | ||||
Floyd | It's not going to work, sticky pudding. You are lucky you didn't vomit Floyd | the last time. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Nitku says, "Ah of course." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "it's also on the status line, but that doesn't carry over to Floyd." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "open gum" | ||||
Floyd | That's not something you can open. Floyd | Floyd | Warren Tim Harried is playing "Please Don't (My Grandma Gave Me That)" Floyd | from Runt with an Accordion, recorded when he was fourteen years old. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x wastebasket" | ||||
Floyd | It's the standard issue University Dreary metal wastebasket. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look in it" | ||||
Floyd | It's the standard issue University Dreary metal wastebasket. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look under desk" | ||||
Floyd | Underneath your desk is a portal to an enchanted realm about to be Floyd | destroyed by an evil sorcerer who can only by stopped by you--you, the Floyd | lost prince, possessor of hitherto untapped wizarding powers that are Floyd | your sacred birthright. Floyd | Floyd | Plus, if you succeed, a team of faerie elves will write your Floyd | dissertation for you. Floyd | Floyd | > | vimes says, "ha ha" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x realm" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x portal" | ||||
Floyd | I wish there really was a portal. Faerie elves rock. Floyd | Floyd | Okay. You should go back to trying to write. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "best. desk. evar." | |||
| DavidW asks (of inky), "What's the thing I can do now that I couldn't before?" | ||||
| vimes says, "no argument there. My desk sucks. (The portal to the realm from my office was the otherwise-worthless closet.)" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "originally there were four things under the desk. but that got a little much." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "break the snowglobe." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move stool to door" | ||||
Floyd | The stool is now by the door. Floyd | Floyd | You pause and look wallowy. You slouch. It's just a pen. Please. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on stool" | ||||
Floyd | The stool creaks once again as you climb onto it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x vent" | ||||
Floyd | The vent has a square metal grill. You try to look into the vent but Floyd | it's dark and you are still maybe 30 centimetres or more below it. You Floyd | won't be able to see into the vent from here. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "light lighter" | ||||
Floyd | The lighter ultimately doesn't work well, just flickering enough that Floyd | you can maybe BURN something. (Burning things! Yay!) You wouldn't be Floyd | able to use it as a source of illumination. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn cactus" | ||||
Floyd | (first getting off the stool) Floyd | When my brother did his year abroad in the US, it was at a place called Floyd | the Burning Cactus ranch. Did I ever tell you that? I guess I Floyd | must've. Anyway, it would be fabulous to set the cactus on fire, but Floyd | you don't seem to be able to manage it with the lighter. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see how you'd be able to burn that. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Someday They'll Go Too Far," which became a hit on Floyd | local pirate radio stations after being discovered by school Floyd | authorities and played on the evening news. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x stool" | ||||
Floyd | Remember? Me, looking triumphant as I haul the flimsy stool into our Floyd | apartment: Floyd | "Look what I found in the dumpster! Just what you need!" Floyd | "Do you think it will collapse if I stand on it?" Floyd | "Not immediately. Just be careful." Floyd | "I can't believe the secretary said I was 'undeserving' when I asked if Floyd | I could have a stool." Floyd | "This stool is better, anyway. Maybe I'll paint it!" Floyd | Floyd | > | Jacqueline says, "hahaha portal... I never saw that. This game has so many tiny bits that give me joy." | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look under desk" | ||||
Floyd | OK. I'm done with this. There's actually nothing under your desk. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "look under desk" | ||||
Floyd | There's nothing under your desk. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x finneal" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple asks, "what's a finneal?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x photo" | ||||
Floyd | I've already described the photograph of me with the giant foam lobster Floyd | on my head. I am definitely worth a thousand words. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "turn photo over" | ||||
Floyd | I understand neither what you are wanting to do nor why. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "No Normal Boy Would Write That Song," recorded Floyd | during a weekend furlough from a private psychiatric facility for Floyd | troubled adolescent boys. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x plastic" | ||||
Floyd | The red and black plastic shards were once part of a frame I lovingly Floyd | made for you, and before that they were part of a poster from the Floyd | concert we attended on our first date. Now they are useless. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x laminate" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x dissertation" | ||||
Floyd | You've made some really handsome margin and font choices already for Floyd | your dissertation, wallaroo. Now all you need is text. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "http://www.denninger.com/whatisf.htm" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x me" | ||||
Floyd | You look tired, which is understandable given the length of our Floyd | "discussion" last night. Floyd | Floyd | You're carrying some pitiful little plastic shards, a shiny little key, Floyd | a pink sticky blob of bubble gum, a deftly-crafted snowglobe, a rubber Floyd | square, a small chip, a bit of lilac thread, a lighter, an empty Floyd | plastic bottle and a notebook, and you're wearing the platyPod. Floyd | Floyd | You also have a binder clip on your nose. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in bottle" | ||||
Floyd | I'm not sure what that would accomplish. If you put the key in the Floyd | bottle, you'll just be able to get it back out again. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn bottle" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see how you'd be able to burn that. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "My Lonesome Pain is Not A Polka" from We Paid You Floyd | For Happy, the artistic breakthrough composed while he supported Floyd | himself with gigs at family reunions and retirement centres. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i don't know why X ME doesn't provide the inventory more commonly." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "melt bottle" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn gum" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see how you'd be able to burn that. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i wish he'd turn the channel to MC Dingo." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x notebook" | ||||
Floyd | It's a smallish notebook, about 10x15 centimetres. As you're holding Floyd | it now, the cover features Professor Detective telling Undergraduate Floyd | Constable Duffy, "In both my vocations, intelligence means little Floyd | without DISCIPLINE." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "read notebook! read notebook!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "discipline me" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read notebook" | ||||
Floyd | On the top half of this page are a few beginnings of sentences, all Floyd | crossed out. On the bottom you've written: Floyd | Floyd | lazy lazy Floyd | lazy lazy lazy Floyd | lazy lazy Floyd | lazy lazy lazy Floyd | lazy lazy Floyd | lazy lazy lazy Floyd | lazy lazy Floyd | Floyd | Wallaroo. You are not lazy. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read notebook" | ||||
Floyd | On this page you've just written: Floyd | Floyd | FAILURE Floyd | FAILURE Floyd | FAILURE Floyd | FAILURE Floyd | FAILURE Floyd | FAILURE Floyd | FAILURE Floyd | Floyd | You are such a drama queen. We are going to get your dissertation Floyd | unstuck today. You'll wish you'd thought to bring me along sooner. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read notebook" | ||||
Floyd | The remaining pages of the notebook are blank. Floyd | Floyd | You pause and look morose. You do the thing where you put your hands Floyd | on your temples and start tugging your hair. Please forget about the Floyd | pen. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn notebook" | ||||
Floyd | Given your conviction that you must have a pen and notebook handy in Floyd | order to write on your computer, you'd better not. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says (to DavidW), "#belated you can break something now" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break window" | ||||
Floyd | It's hard for me to see what purpose breaking your window would serve. Floyd | More importantly, someone would almost certainly see and call campus Floyd | security, and that will introduce new hassles to your afternoon and Floyd | prevent you from getting any writing done. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "(I can get more explicit, but you're running out of stuff to break)" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break key" | ||||
Floyd | It's a spunky little key. You can't break it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break stool" | ||||
Floyd | Why would you do that? Besides my having painted the stool so lovely Floyd | for you, you wouldn't be able to get to anything on top of the bookcase Floyd | anymore. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break snowglobe" | ||||
Floyd | Ugh. Okay. You break the snowglobe against the pipe. You pick up the Floyd | figurine and the base, the latter of which you realise now was just a Floyd | coaster I took from the kitchen. You leave the broken glass on the Floyd | floor. Floyd | Floyd | I can make another snowglobe easy enough. The figurine is intact, and Floyd | that's the part that took more than two days. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing from Drumsticks, the bootleg album recorded during a Floyd | performance at a family fried chicken restaurant. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x coaster" | ||||
Floyd | It's a University of Wisconsin coaster, with a photo of the mascot Floyd | Bucky Badger on the front. Bucky's beady eyes never fail to creep me Floyd | out. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put coaster in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | The coaster is too big to fit in the pouch. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x figurine" | ||||
Floyd | Luckily he's not damaged. He looks smaller outside the globe. I don't Floyd | know if I will want to make another snowglobe or do something Floyd | different. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put figurine in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | Done. I'm not sure I like this. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "ha ha" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "shoot pen" | ||||
Floyd | The Saskastoon Strangler sails through the air and hits the pen Floyd | headfirst, knocking it loose. The pen falls to the floor. The figurine Floyd | careens ahead into the wall and shatters. Floyd | Floyd | Unbelievable. Un-be-[bother]ing-lievable. Floyd | Floyd | Remember? That night sitting on the swings, shortly after we started Floyd | dating? I was emphatic that we had to end this before we got serious. | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | "But, Violet," you said, "I'm already serious." Floyd | "Coming to Wisconsin was supposed to be a great adventure. I didn't Floyd | know it was so cold. I thought Madison was bigger. I miss my family. Floyd | My friends are all leaving when they finish their MFAs. Mine is Floyd | already done. We only have a future if I stay. And if I stay, I would Floyd | just be waiting." Floyd | | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | We had that conversation the day after you turned 28, because I was Floyd | determined to break up with you and thought only a cretin would dump Floyd | someone on their birthday. Floyd | Floyd | You convinced me to stay. You said you would be done in a year, a year Floyd | and a half at the most. Instead: two years now. Two years. And this Floyd | is what you need to do because you can't just sit your [bother] down Floyd | and write? Floyd | Floyd | I know you aren't doing this to hurt me. I'll try go back to being Floyd | Your Upbeat Aussie Girlfriend. But, honestly: what am I supposed to Floyd | think here? How am I supposed to feel? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take pen" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, weet-bix. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "You With the Notepad," the stunning and entirely Floyd | improvised final track done without once breaking eye contact with a Floyd | woman later identified as Francine Kinkle, music editor for a local Floyd | college newspaper. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "read pen" | ||||
Floyd | I cannot be blamed for Marty leaving you a pen with "You do not deserve Floyd | Violet" etched on the side. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x sprinkler" | ||||
Floyd | It looks like an ordinary sprinkler. Nothing intriguing about it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple asks, "whoa! bug?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "hmm, it's "weet-bix" and not "weetabix", hunh" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "it's weet-bix in australia, weetabix in the uk." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "aha" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "SAVE" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "cf3" | ||||
Floyd | Enter saved game to store: Ok. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x glass" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "water" | ||||
Floyd | You're going to have to use a different verb for me to understand what Floyd | you mean. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x water" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | Within three minutes you've taken the cable out of the cabinet and are Floyd | watching a video of a dog dressed as a ballerina. Oh, dundeecake. If Floyd | you can't be disciplined, then you'll have to be clever. Floyd | Floyd | You do unplug the cable again and lock it back in the cabinet. Now, Floyd | what to do with the key? Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "he just has the internet puzzle left" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "i" | ||||
Floyd | You're carrying a shiny little key, a pen, a coaster, some pitiful Floyd | little plastic shards, a pink sticky blob of bubble gum, a rubber Floyd | square, a small chip, a bit of lilac thread, a lighter, an empty Floyd | plastic bottle and a notebook, and you're wearing the platyPod. Floyd | Floyd | You also have a binder clip on your nose. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn shards" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see how you'd be able to burn that. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "you actually saw the solution to this already" | |||
| inky says, "not that that helps you much" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "well, no, i guess the platypod and the book, as well. the book hasn't even shown itself as a problem because he hasn't solved the internet puzzle." | DavidW says, "I tried eating the key and sticking the gum to it." | |||
| DavidW says, "and pushing it under the door and putting it in the vent" | ||||
| Lucea says, "you're not going to be able to do anything if you've still got access to that key" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "eat key" | ||||
Floyd | It's not going to work, berry smush. You are lucky you didn't vomit Floyd | the last time. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing the title track from Francine. (Actually, all 37 Floyd | songs on the album are officially titled "Francine.") Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "yeah, those are all reasonable (just not correct)" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key under door" | ||||
Floyd | A few moments later someone has slid the key back into your office. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take key" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, wallaroo. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "the vent is probably the closest to the right idea" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "he hasn't noticed the theme with the puzzles." | DavidW says, "I would guess there's a drain under the cactus." | |||
| DavidW says, "The floor tipping that way and the sprinkler would argue for a drain there." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x drain" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "the reason for the cactus is to disallow a whole lot of ways of trying to get to the pen." | inky says, "hmm, I think the floor is just tippy there to keep you from getting at the sprinkler conveniently" | |||
| DavidW says, "I can't toss the key out the window" | ||||
| inky says, "that is correct" | ||||
| DavidW says, "There doesn't seem to be a way to open the grill of the vent." | ||||
| inky says, "that is also correct" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum on thread" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the bit of lilac thread would achieve nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "there isn't. the vent is just there for the ending." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Jacqueline says, "Oh please tell me he tried putting the key under the door. I'm afraid I have a headache and I'm only half paying attention, unfortunately." | inky says, "it is generally true that you have to put the key somewhere and then do something so you can't get it back again" | |||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "he did" | DavidW says, "The lighter is explicitly not a lightsource, so it can't help me see into the vent." | |||
| Lucea says, "It's a good thing Marty isn't the one writing; he might have considerably more trouble." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Jacqueline says, "yay" | DavidW says, "I wanted to melt the plastic shards or bottle onto the key to make it unusable." | |||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "I hope that wasn't too obvious." | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "the message for PUT KEY UNDER VENT is better if you don't have the platypod on though." | DavidW asks, "Does the cabinet autolock? I can't just put the key in the cabinet WITH the cable, can I?" | |||
| inky says, "alas no" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in pouch" | ||||
Floyd | You put the shiny little key into the rubber square's "pouch". Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put pouch under door" | ||||
Floyd | I don't really see what that would accomplish, dundeecake. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "take key" | ||||
Floyd | Yours, wallaroo. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing the song unofficially titled "Parking Garage," Floyd | following the convention of identifying tracks on Francine by the Floyd | location of the tryst the liner notes say inspired them. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on cactus" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the giant cactus would achieve nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in pot" | ||||
Floyd | That won't work. You would just fish it out again later, dundeecake. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key in computer" | ||||
Floyd | That isn't a container, wallaroo. Unless I'm misunderstanding what you Floyd | are trying to do. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "unscrew pen" | ||||
Floyd | Nothing obvious happens. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x pen" | ||||
Floyd | With its cap on it looks like a bright lavender tube. Crudely etched Floyd | on the side is a message: Floyd | Floyd | You do not deserve Violet Floyd | Floyd | Eek. Apparently Marty had it for me worse than I realised. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "remove cap" | ||||
Floyd | When you take off the cap, purple gunk sprays out of it and all over Floyd | your clothes. Marty! Floyd | Floyd | I don't know how he rigged that. I also don't know why men conclude Floyd | that the best way of expressing anguish over me is through some display Floyd | of mechanical cleverness. Remember Colin and the 50-foot aluminium Floyd | peacock? Floyd | Floyd | The pen itself actually works. Of course, your clothes are ruined. Floyd | Worse, you are starting to itch. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "Booth Seven at Steak'n'Shake," the track on Francine Floyd | that got him tour dates opening for ironic death metal icon Jimmy Floyd | Catkicker. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "there is some kind of bug with X PEN, although it won't otherwise affect gameplay." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x clothes" | ||||
Floyd | I don't know what the purple gunk is, but it's certainly making you Floyd | itch. Floyd | Floyd | You are itchy. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "remove clothes" | ||||
Floyd | You place your clothes neatly next to the cactus. Floyd | Floyd | So now you're standing in your office naked, with a red binder clip on Floyd | your nose and what looks like a furry three-legged space creature on Floyd | your head. Floyd | Floyd | You are ready to write now. I can feel it. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "ha ha" | |||
| inky says, "hee hee" | ||||
| Jacqueline says, "Hooray." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x cap" | ||||
Floyd | It's a completely ordinary pen cap. I still don't understand how Marty Floyd | rigged it to squirt that purple gunk. Floyd | Floyd | > | DavidW says, "hm. Still don't know what to do about the key." | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "it shouldn't have said he's ready to write now, though. none of the beta testers this part before solving the internet puzzle, but i should have anticipated the possibility." | inky says, "ok, bigger hint: you need to put it someplace, then ensure you can't reach it again" | |||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "davidw would be an awesome beta tester, i suspect." | DavidW says, "hm. I see no bondage equipment here." | |||
| [cfspoilers] Jacqueline says, "Yes, he is." | inky says, "ha ha ha" | |||
| Lucea says, "uh" | ||||
| inky says, "you're already naked, how much more fanservice do you want from this game" | ||||
| DavidW asks, "Violet, where's the handcuffs?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "lucea was a completely excellent beta tester." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "find handcuffs" | ||||
Floyd | I didn't understand that sentence. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x tattoo" | ||||
Floyd | "TYVTWD" in red marker on the back of your right hand. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "x birthmark" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea exclaims, "Thanks!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "throw key at sprinkler" | ||||
Floyd | There's no point to doing that now that the pen is no longer wedged Floyd | above the sprinkler. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "throw key at light" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what that would accomplish. Please just write. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing from his follow-up album to Francine, which was also Floyd | titled Francine. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on light" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the fluorescent light would achieve nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "maybe it'd help if he hadn't gotten the trophy yet" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "since it mentions that the trophy's on top of the cabinet" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on whatever" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the whatever would achieve nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "hee hee" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on bind" | ||||
Floyd | I don't see what you are talking about. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on blind" | ||||
Floyd | Putting things on the blind would achieve nothing. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "you do have to put it someplace high, yeah" | |||
| inky says (to Floyd), "look" | ||||
Floyd | Here in your office, you have a huge desk, a resplendent yellow chair, Floyd | a cabinet, a giant cactus, a tall bookcase, and an incredibly cute Floyd | stool. Floyd | Floyd | On the desk are a photograph, your computer, my itinerary and a pile Floyd | you cannot even contemplate. The bookcase holds a book. In addition, Floyd | on the floor are your clothes, fake snow and a wastebasket. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on top of bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | The bookcase is too tall for you to put anything on top of it unless Floyd | you are standing on the stool. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "move stool to bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | The stool is now back in its intended location by the bookcase. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing excerpts from "Why?," originally an eighty-three Floyd | minute song in which he stops playing once to cry and twice to leave Floyd | voicemails for Francine. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | This is how office furniture at Wisconsin works: the bookcase is bolted Floyd | to the wall, and yet the shelves are so rickety that I'm sure if you Floyd | try to climb the bookcase, one of them will collapse and you'll sprain Floyd | something. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on top of bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | The bookcase is too tall for you to put anything on top of it unless Floyd | you are standing on the stool. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand on stool" | ||||
Floyd | The stool creaks once again as you climb onto it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put key on top of bookcase" | ||||
Floyd | Curious, dundeecake. Done. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "stand" | ||||
Floyd | You are already on the stool. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "get off stool" | ||||
Floyd | You get off the stool. Floyd | Floyd | Warren is playing "It's Because He Plays Guitar, Isn't it?" Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "break stool" | ||||
Floyd | Gently, but irreparably, you break the stool. Floyd | Floyd | I know it was practically broken already, but I loved that stool. I Floyd | know I said to do "whatever you must." It still hurts to watch what Floyd | that "must" is taking from us. Floyd | Floyd | Ultimately, yes, I understand. Then again, I'm speaking just as your Floyd | imaginary rendition of me. Actual-Me was already fed up enough to buy Floyd | a plane ticket; I'm not sure how you expect to explain this. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "oh yeah, I would like it if 'stand' got down off the thing you were on" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple exclaims, "hooray!" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | You try again. Within a few seconds you start wondering what the fear Floyd | of writing is called. Scribophobia? Graphophobia? You go to look it Floyd | up online. You can't. You itch to check your e-mail. You can't. Floyd | Floyd | So you start thinking about Chapter 3 again. Woo-woo! The train of Floyd | ideas is finally pulling into keyboard station. I can see the first Floyd | sentence now. Floyd | Floyd | But the music is so loud that it spoils your concentration and Floyd | everything derails. Ugh. It's like trying to write while sitting next Floyd | to the amps at a concert. I didn't think I could possibly hate Julia Floyd | any worse than after she posted my cell phone # on those marsupial Floyd | fetish listservs. You cannot let her win. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky asks, "isn't that an inform standard?" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "i don't know. i wrote the code for getting on and off myself because it didn't do something else the way i wanted. i'll put it on my list, though." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "raise right eyebrow" | ||||
Floyd | The platyPod clicks and the oz-hop you fail to properly appreciate Floyd | resumes. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | The volume on the platyPod is too loud for you to concentrate. Floyd | Floyd | Not to be morbid, but it's too bad you aren't a bit hard of hearing. Floyd | Then the platyPod could block out the remaining noise without being too Floyd | loud. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "jiggle head clockwise" | ||||
Floyd | You move your head in adorable little clockwise circles. TOO LOUD! Floyd | TOO LOUD! You jiggle your head anticlockwise to turn it back down. Floyd | Floyd | You glance over to the book. You're fidgeting. You know you've Floyd | already more than enough ideas for a first draft. Just put the book Floyd | out of your mind today. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn book" | ||||
Floyd | (standing up first) Floyd | Gee, budgie. Far be it from me to be the moral conscience when fire is Floyd | involved, but that's a library book. There's bound to be a hefty fine. Floyd | And it seems a little insane. If you really want to, we can, but it Floyd | shouldn't be a rash decision. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "burn book" | ||||
Floyd | (first taking the book) Floyd | I was secretly hoping you would. You light the book on fire and it Floyd | burns magnificently! Yay! That was epic to watch, and now we don't Floyd | have to deal with you being tempted anymore to read. Floyd | Floyd | The coughing and light smoke damage are well worth it. I'll go Floyd | halfsies on the library fine. Floyd | Floyd | As for the sprinkler: nothing. Not one drop. Don't even pretend to be Floyd | surprised to learn that the University gives graduate students offices Floyd | in a death-trap. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] Lucea says, "out of all the things I had to do, that one was the hardest" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | (first sitting on chair) Floyd | The volume on the platyPod is too loud for you to concentrate. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "jiggle head counterclockwise" | ||||
Floyd | You move your head in jaunty little anticlockwise circles. The volume Floyd | is not loud. You can still sometimes hear Julia and Historic Pfister Floyd | across the hall. (Hopefully the platyPod 2.0 will allow more precise Floyd | volume control.) Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | You're ready to write. Except now you are looking at the door. True, Floyd | you can still sometimes hear Julia and Historic Pfister across the Floyd | hall. The noise not loud enough as to normally be a distraction, but I Floyd | can understand that your ex-girlfriend and some dork hooking up is not Floyd | "normally." Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum in ears" | ||||
Floyd | You can't put anything in your ears so long as you are wearing the Floyd | platyPod. Floyd | Floyd | You are distracted by Historic Pfister's shrieking attempts to summon a Floyd | deity. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "remove platypod" | ||||
Floyd | The platyPod automatically turns off when you remove it. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "put gum in ears" | ||||
Floyd | You are marvellous. The gum does not block out all sound, but some. Floyd | You can still hear Julia and Historic Pfister when they are being Floyd | especially loud. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "wear platypod" | ||||
Floyd | The platyPod still fits well, as the earpieces nestle nicely into the Floyd | gum. The platyPod is switched off. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "ooh, he got that right away. he's all done except for the peeing." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "scrunch brow" | ||||
Floyd | My voice: "Look, it even lets you record a start-up message! How the Floyd | platyPod works: You cycle through the different playlists by RAISING Floyd | your left or right eyebrow. NOD to skip to the next track. JIGGLE Floyd | your head clockwise to turn the volume up, and jiggle it anticlockwise Floyd | to turn it down." Floyd | Floyd | The platyPod turns on. The platyPod clicks and the oz-hop you fail to Floyd | properly appreciate resumes. Floyd | Floyd | The volume is on low, and it's even lower with the gum in your ears. Floyd | Nonetheless, you can still sometimes faintly hear Julia and Historic Floyd | Pfister across the hall. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "ha ha" | ||||
| [cfspoilers] maga asks, "is heteronormativity on?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "jiggle head clockwise" | ||||
Floyd | You move your head in endearing little clockwise circles. The volume Floyd | is still not that loud given the gum in your ears, but you can no Floyd | longer hear Julia and Historic Pfister at all. Hee. Take that, Julia! Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | You try again. But then you hear MC Dingo rhyme "casino" and "albino" Floyd | and it breaks your concentration entirely. When I put oz-hop on your Floyd | platyPod, I wasn't really thinking of it as writing music. Floyd | Floyd | MC Dingo contends that you're not a real gangsta unless you come from a Floyd | country originally founded as a gangsta colony. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple says, "he didn't do ABOUT, so he didn't see that option." | inky says, "ha ha" | |||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "raise left eyebrow" | ||||
Floyd | The platyPod clicks and Warren is kicking [bother] on his accordion Floyd | again. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | You try again. But then you start doing air accordion to Warren Tim Floyd | Harried. I'm not sure how easy it is going to be able for you to write Floyd | while the most compelling musician ever is playing. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "raise left eyebrow" | ||||
Floyd | The platyPod clicks and the nondescript melodies of Primrose Meanwell Floyd | begin once more. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | You write two more sentences. I can tell you're feeling more Floyd | confident. I knew you could do this. You conclude the first paragraph Floyd | with an especially provocative participle. Then you hit enter and Floyd | realise: Floyd | Floyd | You have to pee. Floyd | Floyd | Unbelievable. This must be an anxiety thing. You are killing me. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "SAVE" | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "cf4" | ||||
Floyd | Enter saved game to store: Ok. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "pee in bottle" | ||||
Floyd | You do. Obviously I didn't watch. I'm disgusted but proud of your Floyd | perseverance. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| [cfspoilers] crumple asks, "was that a bug?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "write" | ||||
Floyd | You write a second paragraph. Then a third. You're past a thousand Floyd | words within a few hours. You decide you want to finish the entire Floyd | section. You do. Not your best prose, but that isn't the point. Floyd | Julia and the zombies have long gone when you finish, which you are Floyd | thankful for when you need to run naked out to the car. Floyd | Floyd | You rehearse what you want to tell me all the way home. Instead, Floyd | there's a note on the door: Floyd | | ||||
| [cfspoilers] inky says, "I think it was just pausing to hit a key" | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | Gone. Sorry. Floyd | Floyd | Violet Floyd | Floyd | You had to have known I was going to leave you anyway. All the clues Floyd | were there. Floyd | | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | "SURPRISE!" thirty people jump up and shout when you open the door. Floyd | Good thing you were covering your [bother] with the pages you wrote. Floyd | Floyd | One hour and three drinks later, you aren't even that embarrassed. I Floyd | pull you into the kitchen and kiss you. Floyd | Floyd | "You said you wanted something twisted for your birthday." Floyd | "I was thinking more along the lines of you in peculiar lingerie." Floyd | "I spent much of today hyperventilating thinking it was too cruel." Floyd | "I figured out some important things today. So, at worst, it was an Floyd | extremely instructive cruel." Floyd | "I'll still understand if you're angry." Floyd | "You're the one who's going to be angry. I have to tell you something Floyd | about the snowglobe. And the origami trophy. And--" Floyd | Floyd | I put my hand on your chest to stop you. "I've a confession that Floyd | supersedes yours." | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | Floyd | I open up my laptop and show you. On my screen is your office, as seen Floyd | from the vent above the door. Floyd | Floyd | Of course you're bewildered. I explain: "When I was hiding your Floyd | birthday present, I rigged a camera up there. Not to spy! Or, not to Floyd | spy like that. I needed to know when you were coming home for the Floyd | party. I thought it would just be you at your computer. I didn't know Floyd | you'd end up naked and peeing in a soda bottle." Floyd | Floyd | "I spent the entire day imagining that you were watching me," you say. Floyd | "Maybe it only worked because you actually were." Floyd | "Watching you break everything was maddening," I tell you, "but I'm Floyd | still here. I understand, even. Sort of. So long as you understand Floyd | that you're only getting store-bought presents for a while." Floyd | Floyd | We've reached the hard part. "I'm committed to this, budgie. But I Floyd | don't know what we're going to do with you." | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | "No, Violet. What are we going to do with you? My turn is done. It's Floyd | the only fair thing." Floyd | "You've been miserable. You'll be happier this way." Floyd | "I'm already happier. Today made it so clear. This is not what I'm Floyd | meant to be doing with my life. I know, I've spent six years in Floyd | graduate school, I should be crying right now. Instead I feel Floyd | wonderful. I love you so much." Floyd | Floyd | Me too, wallaroo. Floyd | Floyd | Three weeks later we are holding hands in the supereconomy section of a Floyd | flight to Australia. My brother is lending me money to open a Floyd | curiosities shop. He's found you a job at a comic book shop until you Floyd | decide what's next. Floyd | | ||||
| DavidW pushes the green 'space' button. | ||||
Floyd | * * * Floyd | Floyd | I know it's not precisely Plan A, but we are happy and unstuck. This Floyd | is winning. What now? I understand if you just want to QUIT now that Floyd | the merry glow of victory is upon us. But you can also UNDO the last Floyd | turn, RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or (bonus!) view some of the Floyd | so-called AMUSING things you might've missed. Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "amusing" | ||||
Floyd | Apparently a tradition in these games is that a victorious player is Floyd | allowed to view a list of humorous things they may've missed on the Floyd | path to triumph. While I remain nonplussed that a stranger has turned Floyd | one of the more emotionally complicated days of my romantic life into a Floyd | "text adventure" game, I've resolved to be a sport about it. Floyd | Forthwith, then, let me review some possibly-overlooked highlights of Floyd | our neuroses: Floyd | Floyd | 1. ABOUT, CREDITS, and COPYRIGHT were also written by Actual Me. Floyd | Floyd | 2. On your computer, you can OPEN BROWSER (multiple times), OPEN Floyd | E-MAIL (ditto), and OPEN CHAT (eek). Floyd | Floyd | 3. Various commands commonly implemented in other games have their own Floyd | responses here, including QUIT, BUY (something), SING, SCORE, SECRETS, Floyd | TOPICS, TIME, SORRY, NORMAL, SHORT, VERBOSE, THINK ABOUT something, Floyd | REMEMBER, CRY, WAVE, and the traditional magic word XYZZY. Floyd | Floyd | 4. After you SHAKE THE GLOBE, EXAMINE IT for a few successive turns Floyd | and/or EXAMINE THE FIGURINE. Floyd | Floyd | 5. Some things you may have missed examining along the way: ME, JULIA Floyd | (once she's around), LIQUID, GUNK, THREAD (then take something), GUM a Floyd | second time, ZOMBIE (couple of times), PIRATE, CEILING, WALL, and Floyd | FLOOR. Also, the notebook has several pages to READ and its lenticular Floyd | cover changes messages when you examine it. Floyd | Floyd | 6. Some of the ways to achieve less happy endings to the game are to Floyd | BURN PILE, insist on trying to OPEN DOOR once Julia is around, MOVE Floyd | STOOL TO CORNER and STAND ON STOOL, MAKE LOVE TO JULIA, either EXAMINE Floyd | BOOK too many times or carry the book too many turns, and THROW Floyd | WASTEBASKET AT PEN. Floyd | Floyd | 7. Much miscellany, a few examples of which are LOOK UNDER DESK, Floyd | SWALLOW GUM and KEY, DELETE BROWSER or CHAT, BURN Floyd | COASTER/PLATYPOD/CACTUS, PUT SQUARE IN POUCH, OPEN VENT, ASK VIOLET Floyd | ABOUT SOMETHING, PUT KEY IN PILE (after cable is in cabinet), RIP Floyd | CABLE, do anything to the JACK, PUT things in NOSE, KICK something, Floyd | CLIMB BOOKCASE, TAKE VIOLET, and SLIDE KEY UNDER DOOR. Floyd | Floyd | 8. As (bonus!) easter eggs, WARREN EGG presents all the Warren Tim Floyd | Harried tracks, JULIA EGG presents all the main events across the hall, Floyd | and PETNAME EGG greets you with one of my petnames. Floyd | Floyd | I'm debuting a new line of stainless steel numbats at the shop and Floyd | won't keep prattling. My husband has sworn off the Internet and so Floyd | can't type this himself, but he wanted me to tell you hello and that, Floyd | even though he's sometimes wistful about not finishing his Ph.D., it Floyd | was plainly for the best. Floyd | Floyd | Epilogically yours, Floyd | Violet Floyd | Floyd | Now what, wallaroo? Shall we UNDO, RESTART, RESTORE, or just QUIT? Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "hooray" | |||
| inky says, "once again you demonstrate your superior puzzle-solving abilities" | ||||
| DavidW says, "heh" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "petname egg" | ||||
Floyd | Please give one of the answers above. Floyd | Floyd | Now what, dundeecake? Shall we UNDO, RESTART, RESTORE, or just QUIT? Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | > | crumple says, "you had an unusual order through the game, partly because you got the gist of the pen puzzle right away." | |||
| inky says (to Floyd), "undo" | ||||
Floyd | | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "push space" | ||||
Floyd | Please give one of the answers above. Floyd | Floyd | Now what, wallaroo? Shall we UNDO, RESTART, RESTORE, or just QUIT? Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "undo" | ||||
Floyd | | inky says, "hunh" | |||
| inky says (to Floyd), "restore" | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), ""cf4"" | ||||
Floyd | Enter saved game to load: Restore failed. Floyd | Floyd | Now what, dundeecake? Shall we UNDO, RESTART, RESTORE, or just QUIT? Floyd | Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "restore" | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "cf4" | ||||
Floyd | Enter saved game to load: Ok. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "petname egg" | ||||
Floyd | Hey, wallaroo. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "petname egg" | ||||
Floyd | You're great, dundeecake. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "petname egg" | ||||
Floyd | I adore you, wallaroo. Floyd | Floyd | > | ||||
| inky says (to Floyd), "petname egg" | ||||
Floyd | You're the best, dundeecake. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "ha ha" | |||
| Lucea says, "I think this might work better by restarting" | ||||
| inky says, "I'll just do this all day" | ||||
| inky says, "when I am feeling :C" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "julia egg" | ||||
Floyd | 1. Somebody is coming up the stairs. I thought you said no one ever Floyd | comes in on the weekend? Floyd | Floyd | 2. Two voices in the hallway: a man and Julia. Julia hasn't been in Floyd | her office in weeks. She shows up on a Saturday? Floyd | Floyd | 3. Julia is here to sabotage you. I'm sure of it. She's in her Floyd | office across the hall now, talking loudly with her door open. Floyd | Floyd | 4. The dude with Julia sounds like the one she was flirting with at Floyd | Lucy's party. Remember? He was scrawny and said his parents owned a Floyd | hotel in Milwaukee called "The Historic Pfister." Floyd | Floyd | 5. I don't know why I confided in Lucy about our problems. I should Floyd | have known she would tell Julia. Floyd | Floyd | 6. You are distracted by Julia laughing inauthentically and telling Floyd | Historic Pfister "You are so clever." Floyd | Floyd | 7. You are distracted by Julia talking about her abs. Floyd | Floyd | 8. You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly "...You could Floyd | use mine to calculate pi..."* Floyd | Floyd | 9. You are distracted by Julia going on loudly about how you get a Floyd | discount if you get both tongue piercings at the same time. Floyd | Floyd | 10. You are distracted by Julia talking about her [bother]. I can't Floyd | believe you dated someone so crass. Floyd | Floyd | 11. You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "Impressive, Floyd | huh? When I was in high school my guidance counsellor recommended that Floyd | I become a contortionist." Floyd | Floyd | 12. You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "It's not so Floyd | much that I'm double jointed as just very determined." Floyd | Floyd | 13. You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "Sure, she's Floyd | cute. If you can get past the mole." Floyd | Floyd | Hey! Watch it, Julia. Floyd | Floyd | 14. You are distracted by Julia saying "She makes things that look Floyd | like summer camp crafts and tries to convince people they're art." Floyd | Floyd | I wonder if I'd get away with it if I killed her right before my flight Floyd | leaves tomorrow morning. Floyd | Floyd | 15. You are distracted by Julia loudly saying "I bet when they first Floyd | hooked up, she was like, 'Would you like to see my didgeridoo?'" (That Floyd | has to be the most gallingly inept fake Australian accent I have ever Floyd | heard. She sounds like a Norwegian parakeet.) Floyd | Floyd | 16. You are distracted by Julia laughing and mock-shrieking "Or maybe, Floyd | 'Touch my kiwi! Touch my kiwi!'" Ugh. How can someone almost have Floyd | her Ph.D. and not know that kiwis are New Zealand, not Australia? Floyd | Floyd | 17. You are distracted by Julia saying especially loudly, "You've been Floyd | working out. I've noticed." Floyd | Floyd | Oh no. Floyd | Floyd | 18. You are distracted by Julia squealing, "Wait, it's your birthday, Floyd | too? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Floyd | Floyd | 19. You are distracted by a startled grunt from Historic Pfister. I Floyd | do not believe this is happening. Floyd | Floyd | 20. You are distracted by Historic Pfister making noises perhaps best Floyd | characterised as mewling. Floyd | Floyd | 21. You are distracted by Julia saying, "Wait, if today is the 24th, Floyd | and you are 24, that makes this your golden birthday." Well, then. Floyd | Floyd | 22. You are distracted by Historic Pfister's shrieking attempts to Floyd | summon a deity. Floyd | Floyd | 23. You are distracted by Historic Pfister saying excitedly, "Okay, Floyd | now you're a princess, and I'm a ninja!" Floyd | Floyd | 24. You are distracted by Historic Pfister making a noise that doesn't Floyd | sound very much like a ninja, unless there is an order of yodelling Floyd | ninja I don't know about. Floyd | Floyd | 25. You are distracted by Historic Pfister making contented little Floyd | yelping sounds. Floyd | Floyd | You have to pee. Floyd | Floyd | > | inky says, "ha ha" | |||
| inky says, "yelping sounds induce a need to pee" | ||||
| DavidW says, "hm. Where was the gender selection made? I don't remember an option." | ||||
| crumple says, "clearly, i need to revisit the design decision behind not letting the player BREAK SNOWGLOBE until after they've shattered the tater tot." | ||||
| inky says, "it's listed in the about" | ||||
| crumple says, "type ABOUT." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "about" | ||||
Floyd | I get sloshed at a dinner party and tell the story, and a few months Floyd | later I receive an e-mail from a man I don't remember announcing that Floyd | I'm a "game." I suppose I should be flattered. Floyd | Floyd | Or perhaps you should be flattered. You are the one who gets to Floyd | pretend to be my boyfriend. Floyd | Floyd | We proceed by you typing what you want to do. Don't get cute: type a Floyd | verb, or a verb and noun, or maybe verb-noun-preposition-noun. The Floyd | following are examples of things you can do: Floyd | Floyd | WRITE Floyd | EXAMINE DESK (or X DESK) Floyd | TAKE ITINERARY Floyd | OPEN DRAWER Floyd | STAND ON CHAIR Floyd | LOOK UNDER DESK Floyd | PUT ITINERARY ON CABINET Floyd | Floyd | I'll report what happens, and we go from there. You can probably trip Floyd | me up if you try to be an arse about it, but what's the fun of that? Floyd | Floyd | You can see an inventory of what you are holding at any time by typing Floyd | I or EXAMINE ME (X ME). If you want a summary description of the room Floyd | you're in, just LOOK. Floyd | Floyd | You can save the game by typing SAVE, and restore a saved game by Floyd | typing RESTORE. I'll be desolate if you QUIT. Floyd | Floyd | What else? CREDITS and COPYRIGHT are available whenever. If you're Floyd | ever stuck, I can give you a HINT. If you want to take back your last Floyd | action, UNDO bends space-time to your regretful will. Floyd | Floyd | Finally: you are male by default (curse you, patriarchy!). I'm not Floyd | changing my gender on your behalf, but you are welcome to change yours. Floyd | Just type FEMALE or, more stylishly, HETERONORMATIVITY OFF. Floyd | Floyd | I would wish you luck, but you don't need luck. You just need to Floyd | write. Floyd | Floyd | Virtually yours, Floyd | Violet Floyd | Floyd | > | Lucea says, "I also have to do this" | |||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "patriarchy off" | ||||
Floyd | I suspect that's a fair bit more difficult to program. Floyd | Floyd | > | Bert says, "The power of a betatester." | |||
| inky asks, "wait, do what?" | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "credits" | ||||
Floyd | I know at the beginning it says "by Jeremy Freese," which I would Floyd | deeply resent if me "being a game" wasn't already so absurd. I will Floyd | try to not dwell further on his creepy expropriation of me. I cannot, Floyd | however, sit quiet while the many others who helped Freese go Floyd | egregiously unacknowledged. Floyd | | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "push space" | ||||
Floyd | For starters: Floyd | I wouldn't have my very own all-text adaptation if not for Inform 7, by Floyd | Graham Nelson, Emily Short, and colleagues. Freese also leeched off I7 Floyd | extensions written by Emily Short, David Fisher, and Jon Ingold. Floyd | Freese pestered readers of rec.arts.int-fiction for aid, and among Floyd | those who helped were J.D. Clemens, Eric Eve, Jesse McGrew, Peter Floyd | Pears, Andrew Plotkin, Emily Short, and (especially) Mike Tarbert. Floyd | Freese badgered others into beta testing, including Gemma Bristow, Floyd | Corey Colyer, James Cunningham, Benji Dahood, Molly Geene, Dan Floyd | Hirschman, Javri, Tiffany Julian, Sarah Morayati, Carl Muckenhoupt, Floyd | Lucy Pigpuppet, Reiko, Thomas Say, Stephan Schonberg, and Ramona White. Floyd | Eric Dean Freese made cover art. Floyd | | ||||
| DavidW says (to Floyd), "push space" | ||||
Floyd | Worst of all: Floyd | Freese used R. C. M. so thoroughly in creating this that he's an Floyd | absolute [bother] for not dedicating the whole thing to her. Floyd | Floyd | Annoyedly yours, Floyd | Violet Floyd | Floyd | > | crumple says, "i will confess to some ambivalence about the cover art." | |||
| DavidW asks, "I'm wondering what the thread is for. Is that used in the female-PC plot option?" | ||||
| Bert says, "It is foreshadowing of the ending." | ||||
| inky says, "it is a dangling plot thread" | ||||
| crumple says, "no. it foreshadows the ending." | ||||
| DavidW says, "Or was that just a clue abo... ah, oka" | ||||
| DavidW says, "+y" | ||||
| Limax says, "Help me. I'm falling in a pit" | ||||
| crumple says, "there was originally going to be more with the vent, but i cut about part of violet for timing reasons." | ||||
| Limax arrives, full of fun and funk. | Jacqueline if whoever is keeping it sends me the full transcript, I'll work on getting the site updated (there are a couple of back transcripts that need to be processed, I think). | |||
| DavidW says (to Jacqueline), "I'll send it." | ||||
| DavidW says (to crumple), "Good game. That was fun." | ||||
| Lucea asks, "Did we ever open the browser/email/chat?" | ||||
| DavidW says, "no, we never did that." | ||||
| Limax says, "Aw man... too late as usual." | ||||
| Limax cries | ||||
| crumple says (to davidw), "thanks! it was interesting watching you play it. i didn't realize how different watching someone live would be from just reading a transcript." | ||||
| Lucea says (to floyd), "open browser" | ||||
Floyd | You get a "Server Not Found" message. See! Disconnecting yourself Floyd | from the Internet was a good idea! Floyd | Floyd | Primrose sings about how the idea of living with eight housemates Floyd | sounded like fun but she actually spends most weekends hiding from them Floyd | in her room. You pay no attention. Floyd | Floyd | You have to pee. Floyd | Floyd | > | Lucea says, "oh, it's still at the end" | |||
| DavidW says, "I wanted to listen to the whole Prof Adventure thing on the pod, but I can do that later." | ||||
| crumple says (to lucea), "you were the beta-tester who had the idea for a server not found message." | ||||
| DavidW says (to Lucea), "inky undid from the end." | ||||
| Lucea asks, "I did?" | ||||
| vimes says, "Cheers! I'm off to dinner now." | ||||
| vimes was passed by the passive voice. | crumple says (to lucea), "yeah, having a different message for that was your idea." | |||
| Lucea says, "I don't remember that... nice touch, at any ratee" | ||||
| Lucea says, "-e" | ||||
| DavidW asks, "Are we done for today? Or did people want to play with it a bit more?" | ||||
| lunasspecto arrives, ready to play with the toys. | DavidW says, "(I, too, would like food, except lunch,)" | |||
| crumple is off. Thanks DavidW! | ||||
| DavidW says, "thank you!" | ||||
| Limax asks (of DavidW), "Didn't you already have lunch?" | ||||
| crumple goes home. | Lucea says, "Oh, I didn't know we wouldn't be restarting. Sorry about that earlier" | |||
| DavidW says, "I had a late breakfast of oatmeal and o.j." | ||||
| inky says (to lunasspecto), "I am afraid we are just ending" | ||||
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